I was having a conversation with one of my male friends last night. We were talking about his son who is interested in learning how to please women. His son is younger twenty-something and not really looking for a long term relationship, but still he would like to know what woman want. I don’t think he is having too much trouble getting laid, so the idea that he is actually curious about how to please a woman comes from a genuine place. I think I have been so focused on women’s issues that I never really looked at what men must go through. My friend told me that there are a lot of books out there on what women should do to please or get the opposite sex, but there weren’t too many good ones for men.
He said he had started an investigation into this subject, but still seemed a little perplexed. He said he had watched Dr. Phil who was talking with women who never seemed to be able to keep a man. He watched Tyra Banks. He even read his wife’s Cosmo magazine to see what advice women were getting on how to please their men in bed, then he even had his wife try some of the techniques out on him. He said, BTW that the Cosmo tricks sucked, he didn’t enjoy any of them! He actually wondered where they were finding the men who liked this stuff. I am not sure which issue he was referring to.
I really enjoyed this conversation and was really appreciative to have a male friend who was generally interested in helping his son find ways to please women. I was impressed. So of course I went out and did a very general search on the topic.
I actually found a lot of suggestions and shocking secrets about women, but I am not sure of their value:
Women like men who are leaders
women want men to make them feel good
women want you to express love but don’t try to fake it because they will know
women like compliments if they are genuine
women like men who make them laugh
blondes are not really dumb they just act that way so you will give them what they want
all women are jealous even if they say they aren’t
all women want to know they are the sexiest
all women think they are fat even if they are skinny
women always lie about shopping, if they say they are going grocery shopping they will still come home with something for themselves
all women share their intimate secrets with their friends so never tell them anything you don’t want everyone to know
women will judge you buy your shoes . . . WTF?
Either way what I found mostly were e-books or other books that for a fee taught men how to:
Approach any woman, anywhere and get her to give you her number and go out on a date with you. Many also taught men how to get any woman to go to bed with them, and it didn’t matter if the guy was fat, ugly, bald or unemployed. These techniques work everytime. They even give you your money back if it doesn’t work. Pretty impressive!
Then I hit the mother load when I found out about this guy named Norman Nawrocki who does a show called, Lessons From a 7 ‘ Penis. He goes around teaching men and women about sex. I found a video clip and I think this stuff is great! It’s a little juvenile, but it’s also funny!
You see the thing is, I think you can supply every technique in the book, every trick of the trade and still not get a man or woman to fall for you. What’s important is that you want to please your partner. Maybe it’s also time to realize that looks are not everything. I mean we all, especially men, want a partner who is really good looking, but if you want a relationship that will last a lifetime remember that everyone ages and may not look as good at 80 as they do now, so if you don’t have the ability to communicate, share common goals and interests, have trust and mutually satisfying sex life and most importantly a commitment to making a relationship work none of the other stuff really matters. Women do know when a man is sincere. So be honest, be genuine, be yourself then put forth effort with the agenda of meeting that person who is right for you and it will happen.
I FOUND THIS POST TODAY AND THOUGHT IT ADDRESS THIS ISSUE COMPLETELY, IT’S BY HOUSTON’s PREMIER SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, ENTITLED WHY MEN CAN’T FIND NICE GIRLS AND IT REALLY SPEAKS TO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE. READ IT, IT’S REALLY WONDERFUL!
I would love, love to know everyone’s opinion on this subject so please, do tell!
What has attracted you to the opposite sex? What qualities do you find appealing? What do you want in a relationship?
Ok, the list is long: good manners, good education, charm, intelligence, MODESTY, natural leadership, maturity, a little wealth ( I don’t want him to be maintained by me), independence but not too much, a sense of initiative, and little attentions for me. Plus, he has to be a good father and to respect me.
Turn off: immaturity, narcissism, selfishness, rudeness, pretentiousness, and if he’s an extremist of any kind and misogyn.
Thanks for writing what you desire in a man! I hope some men read this and I wish more women would respond!
I love it! I’m gonna comment more on this one later….I was trying to email you back, but it won’t let me for some reason…ne who…go ahead and use it…spread the word
Funny you mention this…my friend was just in town and we went out to a bar named Saints and Sinners last night. A bunch of guys hit on us and ugh….
Turn offs: They don’t listen, they judge, they talk about fucking you waaaay too soon, do drugs, drink too much and they give you their whole resume and inflate themselves.
Don’t get me wrong. I HEART men a lot but they just do things from the get go that are kinda annoying.
Turn ons: a normal dialogue about something semi interesting, flirt but not sleazy, buy a drink if they want to continue spending time with you and be funny.
So that was my list for bars and picking up. The long term list on how to please women is different but the sane,
Long term, I think you should first start dating someone that you have a lot in common with so there’s not much to figure out (makes it so much easier). Also be positive and nurturing…you don’t always have to fix it but sometimes just let someone vent. Guys should be fun and take care of themselves.
I think what guys want from women is very similar to what women want from men. Someone that is always negative, boring and has nothing going from them is not someone that anyone would want to be with. Be Happy!
Thanks for posting what you want. It really is simple isn’t it? I love this line, “Guys should be fun and take care of themselves” That definately sums it up for me. I also can’t stand drunk bar guys who are just trying to get laid, it’s so obvious, but they think we don’t know. I mean it’s fine if you’re a girl and you are out looking for just a night of gratuitious (spelled that wrong) sex, but even so it’s usually not with one of “those” guys. For me it’s with the guy who isn’t trying so hard, and I still need a connection as you mentioned so decent conversation, some laughs, some chemistry even with a one night stand!
I agree with the modobs (plus added a few) – I look for intelligence, kindness, honesty, wit, charm, stability. For a long time I tried to just concentrate on looks and physical attraction in hopes that one of them would have the entire “package”. No luck there. With my last boyfriend it was VERY different. I was not physically attracted to him and even tried to stay the heck away from him! But, he was uber-intelligent, witty, stable (or so I thought), honest, and charming as all get out. We had quite a bit in common and I really believed he was my soul mate but as time wore on the whole “timing” thing was an issue. So, I believe you can certainly find a man with all the great qualities you are looking for BUT you must also find one who is moving toward the same goals as you. That’s such a hard thing to access when you start the initial dating process. I certainly am not going to start dating someone and flat out ask them “So, are you ready to commit to a relationship or get married within the next, say, five years?”
Unfortunately, there is no easy way to figure these things out.
I spent 2 ½ yrs. with my last X and when it came down to it he was just not emotionally ready to commit and I was. We had talked about it previously but we were both so in love that neither of us (despite the fact that he was moving one way, and I the other) had the courage to end the relationship. So, what do you do when two people are completely compatible, completely in love, but are at different stages in life? Arggghh. It’s so frustrating!
Sorry for yet another long and ambiguous post!
There is nothing I like better than a long answer, so I can understand, you know? Also, and this is just me I do think it’s okay to find out up front when you are dating someone, (maybe not on the first date, but when you realize that you are interested), if a person is interested in marriage, in say the next 5 years. I always look at it through my own eyes, if someone asked me that question, even just in general I would answer it. I think it’s important, because then you find out right away and don’t have to waste time if your goals are that separate. The different stages issue is really hard to answer. I suppose both would have to find a compromise somewhere in the middle. Thanks so much for giving your opinion!
“So, what do you do when ~~~ different stages in life?” This one line hit the spot to get me up and respond to this post, RIGHT NOW and not tomorrow, as I was previously planning.
So… To write about the past and the future, (there is no present, in my case
here it goes.
Ever since I maturely fell in for a girl/woman, now that I’ve thought a lot about it, invariably, it was the intelligence that got me hooked. Now that I look at all the photos, the looks part WAS there, however, all that ‘beauty’ was in my eyes only, as many of my close friends have commented. Though I am no hunk myself, those girls were/are, what could be referred to as, PlainJanes. Very likable Janes, though
Though, there are so many physically attractive girls around and it indeed is a pleasure to look at them and that is about it. However, I am now convinced that it is only the “Good-Looking skin and skeleton” (God’s-Gift???) part that makes them attractive. Talk to her for a few minutes and then you realized what a vain/shallow/lost character you are talking to! (Sorry to be so judgmental!)
Coming back to the women who DID make an impact, apart from their intelligence to comprehend life and its complexities, quite important and topping the likable traits was also the exchange of humour. Life is dour, as it is, and to take it in a light sense, to not to let the blues take over, one needs the subtle and at times explicit humour.
“So, what do you do when ~~~ different stages in life?” Presently I like a girl. However, she is in a much advanced stage of her professional life and from where I come, it is unthinkable to even approach. (And even she has made it amply clear, publicly
She is all that I could ask for. She is smart, intelligent, has a jovial sense of humour and is very pleasant, and if you ask me, her dimples are there to kill for!!! However,that chasm has to be respected and maintained. So one may find a person who seems like The One, yet the difference in various stages of life could quite effectively kill the chance, and mine has not even started!
I am here, in my world and waiting un-desperately for the right one, one with the right kind of aspirations and MUTUAL liking to come bye and then this life too shall start. I feel I am in no position to lay down the rules. But the basics, as covered by ‘modobs’ and Rachael, and the most appropriate traits that she looks for in men * intelligence, *kindness, *honesty, *wit, *charm, *stability by 2lazydogs sum it up. These are, I guess universal factors.
I believe in “There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it hardly behooves any of us To talk about the rest of us.”
More Later!