I think popular opinion would dictate that taking back and Ex is NEVER a good idea. I was reading a great post at What’s Love Got to do With it and this really got me thinking. I have never known any couple who have reconciled to stay together. Rather what happens is just more of the same. They take their Ex back and the original problems that caused the split continue.
I was personally involved in a relationship where this happened for 8 years. It seemed like he couldn’t make up his mind. I caught him cheating twice and at his prolonged insistence I took him back. When I say insistence I mean leaving gifts at my door and sending cards and begging and pleading and calling. I later found out he made up stories to cover his infidelity wherein it appeared as if it was only a one time thing. Finally at the end of one of these scenes I told him the only way I would take him back was if we got married, (stupid I know). So he got me an engagement ring, but then later said he did not realize an engagement ring was a promise to marry. “Once a liar always a liar”, is my mantra now. I learned a lot from my relationship with him, but I spent 8 long years doing it.
I ask myself now why I did it. Why did it take me so long to really see who this person was? I used to think it was because I “just loved him”. But I truly believe that love and pain do not coexist. I have found this out by looking at my relationships with my friends or my daughter. They are not fraught with pain. We have our problems, but we work them out. There is an underlying trust and respect that accompanies our interactions. Many times those relationships build me up and I feel happy inside when I am with them. They accept me and love me no matter what. This is what I will look for in my relationships with men from now on.
Have you ever seen a reconciliation that worked?
Yes, it’s possible. One couple I know split because Madam had an affair elsewhere. She was tired of feeling left out because her husband spent more time at the gym or at work. And after one year of separation, they got back together and decided to start from scratch. They knew each other’s fault and decided to change. Another one split because they felt they simply lost desire for each other, and got back together because they fell in love again. Both are still together now. It really depends on how you want to make your couple work (and you have to be two in this decision). Thanks for the pingback!
Well it’s nice to know that it can work when 2 people really want it to. Thanks for your always welcome input. You are welcome for the pingback!
I think it just depends on the situation and the person. I would never take my ex back because he is seriously a sociopath. I stay nice to him though, just so he won’t flip out on me…ahahah!! But I truly believe an ex is an ex for a reason. Someone who lies, cheats, and hurts you constantly is not someone that you or I want in my life.
Sorry to learn your X is a sociopath, ugh.! I guess it does depend on the people involved and their willingness to work things out. I have found what you said to be true, they are an X for a reason!
Hi, my first visit, but I’ve agreed with you at modobs before.
My personal mantra is “Love Is Not Enough.” I’ve been stuck and in love, circumstances that would never be favorable. The saying becomes L.I.N.E. and I have seriously thought of getting my virgin tattoo as a simple line as a reminder. Love is not enough.
Hi Cricket Thanks for visiting and commenting! This is a good saying. I will keep it in my mind. I have to wonder what made me think I loved the guys I’ve been with anyway?
Nowadays, once one party had an affair, there will always be a comparison of everything. Reading your post made me think maybe it’s possible but it will take a lot of time to puzzle up the trust that was once broken into pieces.
Hi Mae! Thanks for commenting
I like the way you said, “puzzle up the trust”. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a great relationship. You make a good point!
I appreciate what you wrote about pain and love not having to co exist.
Your story is similar to mine but less time. Under a yr.
Trust is something that is automatically given by me until proven otherwise. But then there is stupidity from my character being too forgiving and taking him back again and again no matter what.
When did we lose ourselves? When did one lie turn into more? Why are they compulsary to some and uneeded to others?
“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”
That is my mantra. And I will tell the truth. Because I love truly and wholeheartedly and I deserve to tell the truth for myself as much as the person I adore and invite to share in my life as well as theirs. Love is a gift. I have hurt someone in the past and I have made up and paid for it. I know how it feels on both sides and I have pledged to and have run a clean ship since.
People can change but if they have to keep being forgiven over and over for major transgressions, why are they together to begin with?
Blessings.
hi,
My ex (I am changing his name) Zef Medina, cheated on me while I was in Iraq. I found out when I got back home and his girlfriend called my house. He lied to me about it but she told me everything and she had prove. She sent me all the emails he had written to her. It wasn’t real until she sent me the pictures and emails. I couldn’t forgive him for cheating on me and I divorced him. It was and still is painful for me, but he got married and now he is cheating on her. Some men never change.
Teri,
I know what you mean, I was sleeping with my boss in Iraq and he knocked me up. I came home and divorced my loving husband because I was PG, lord knows what he would have done if he had found out. Esp since my boss was already married, and decided not to stay with me!
-wrilshxer
This previous post is abuse of the internet and slander. please remove it.
thank you.
-Zef Medina
teri[actually its Wrilshxer Mendoza]
hi,
My ex (I am changing his name) Zef Medina[my real name], cheated on me while I was in Iraq[false]. I found out when I got back home and his girlfriend called my house[false]. He lied to me about it but she told me everything and she had prove[false]. She sent me all the emails he had written to her[false]. It wasn’t real until she sent me the pictures and emails[false]. I couldn’t forgive him for cheating on me and I divorced him[after she found out she was PG from sleeping with someone in Iraq]. It was and still is painful for me, but he got married and now he is cheating on her[false]. Some men[crazy women] never change.
Can we please air the drama elsewhere people?
Me and my ex got back together. we never stopped loving each other. communication was our problem and we have worked everything out and things are going so well….it is possible. depends on situation i guess.