Growing up I had 2 extremely beautiful step-sisters and as you might imagine guys were lining up to date them. The phone was ringing all the time and very often I was put in charge of answering it and screening who it was, especially for one sister who was just 2 years older than me. She would tell me who she wanted to speak with and I would be in charge of making up excuses for everyone else. At first this was fun for me because I have to admit I kind of looked up to her and admired her for all of the attention she got. There were even some girls that flocked around her, but not because they wanted to be her “girlfriend”, they were attracted to her charisma.
As time went by though I started to look at her differently. It happened one night because there was one guy who was so in love with her that he brought over his sleeping bag and slept on one of our lounge chairs in the backyard trying to prove his love to her. She wouldn’t even speak to him. She had dated him briefly and then dumped him and he was heartbroken. He said he would not leave until she took him back or at least talked to him. So there I am keenly aware that a young man is paying homage to my older sister in the backyard and there she is talking on the phone. Primping in the mirror and basically ignoring the whole situation like it didn’t exist. At the very least she could have called the cops, or maybe one of my parents could have done it, but she didn’t want that. She said she wanted to make him suffer. She treated many men like this and the more I watched it the more I decided she was sadist. In fact I came to realize that she saw men as objects rather than real human beings. They could give her what she wanted and if and when they became unable to do that she dumped them.
My other step-sister who was quite a bit older than me was much sweeter, but also seemed to use men to get what she wanted. She never seemed to ever really get attached to a man or to “fall in love” with one and while her beauty was what attracted the men, her detached behavior seemed to be what kept them coming back for more. No matter how these 2 treated the men, they would always do whatever my step-sisters wanted. Then I began to think that these men had to be really fucked up to put up with it. I even asked one or two of them why they did it and they said they were in love. They acted like beat down puppies who kept coming back just to spend time with their master and it made me feel uncomfortable. Mostly it just made me question why.
Will a guy do anything to be with a beautiful woman, even if that beautiful woman treats him like shit? And it’s not that these 2 were deep thinkers or a lot of fun to be around. Since just about everything was focused on them and what they wanted. I have to say I was envious because who wouldn’t want a herd of men stumbling over each other to get a date with you, but they never seemed to have very meaningful relationships. The oldest step-sister one time confided in me that she wished just once she could actually fall in love, just to see what that felt like. She told me this because I was always the one falling in love and having intense relationships with me, that I participated in. Of course I always chose the wrong men. I think some of this may have been a result of me totally disrespecting guys who seemed to swoon over me, who wanted to serve me and who might sleep in the backyard waiting for my approval, but of course I would never let a guy do that. I just don’t have it in me to be that cruel.
I think there has got to be a balance in all relationships where both parties are committed to giving equally. I think if a man is really attracted to a woman who plays games with him that he too has a problem. It’s one thing to be attracted to a strong woman who is trustworthy, self reliant and attractive. It is quite another to love a bitch.
I love your blog! My sister was one of the beautiful creatures that always had men crawling over themselves to get to her. To tell you the truth, I sometimes wish I could have acted just a little more like her. There has to be some comfort in being that heartless; to know you can never be hurt or feel guilty about hurting someone else.
Madmargaret: Thanks! I’m glad you love the blog! I agree it would be nice to be a LITTLE more like that, but just a little. Something bothers me about people without a conscious, because even though you can never be hurt you can never really love either and who wants to miss out on that?
Great post!
I too have a sister that men used to fall in love with and she didn’t care. They would call me asking me to talk to her for them and stuff…ugh. I was envious of the confidence she had and how she could have the perspective of “the world revolves around me” and everyone accommodated to it, including me and my mom.
People that we went to school used to tell me “you’re the one with the good personality and your sister’s the pretty one.” It totally hurt my feelings.
Now, my personality has paid off big time and I’m getting prettier as I age. I guess I was kinda the cute duckling. I always walked around thinking that the only pretty thing about me was my lips. I know, sad, right?
Anyhoo, as a result of all of that, I become other-centered while my sister is now starting to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around her and she is suffering from some self-esteem problems. It’s sad for me to see since I liked it when she felt good about herself but hated when she treated me and others like shit because of it.
My brother, a few years ago, bought me the book “why men love bitches: from doormat to goddess” it was a funny but good book. I disagree with some things there but she basically writes about how no guy likes a woman who oogles over him and that the men like the chase…always keeping them on their feet for the challenge. I don’t really remember a lot of it but that was the premise.
My brother told me I didn’t think highly of myself and that’s why I picked the men that I did and acted like a doormat with them. I have to admit that I like being a nice person but I am not willing to settle anymore.
I’m looking for the guy that will appreciate my good heart, personality and looks and brings out the best in me.
Wow, this comment turned into a post! haha. Thanks.
Racho: I love your comment. You mentioned something that I forgot to mention, that yes those poor guys always wanted me to talk my step-sister for them. I think I blocked that part out. And yes I was always the nice one with the good personality. I always thought I may be nice, but it doesn’t get me to far with the fellas and yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be overtly mean. I guess you could say I didn’t have very defined boundaries. I am sorry to hear that your sister is now suffering some self-esteem issues. I think that sometimes happens with age when looks start to fade and you have never really had to develop your personality. That has not happened with my step-sisters, but other issues have become obvious like divorce and a long string of unsuccessful relationships. I think after a while most men will see what was missing to begin with. I am very happy to learn that your self esteem is growing. I personally think you are great, smart, pretty and funny to a spectacular degree. I can’t imagine you having trouble finding the perfect partner for you! Thanks for all of the comments they are always so enlightening and fun to read!
If you love someone who’s mean to you, it means that you have self-esteem issues or you’re just masochistic. It’s as simple as that.
Modobs: What is you have both? Also what do you call someone who like to be mean to others, unconsciously?
Haha, it’s true that you can be masochistic and have self-esteem issues! For the rest,it depends, if you enjoy being mean with others, then you’re a sadist. If not, maybe you fall in the masochistic category too
Oh, and great post, as usual, BTW!
I think there are guys out there who see a beautiful women and think that it over rides the bitchiness. I however would prefer a average girl with a great personality, if I have learned one thing, it’s that if you really love someone and love being with them and the feelings are mutual you can work through most things. However, being with someone who berates you or bitches at you, guy or girl, it’s just not worth it. Find someone who excepts you for who you really are not what they want you to be.
John: Thanks for your comment! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Glad to know there are men out there who can actually see past exteriors and into the person they are dating!
It might be simpler than you guys realize.. in summary
“you only want what you can’t have”
I had to learn this the hard way.Also that when a girl is beautiful and she knows it…..she is not going to go after the one guy she can get whenever she wants….. she wants the guy that other women desire and is indifferent towards her.Worst of all when a woman leads a man on.. as if there will be some chance of them getting together in the future but eventually she is just using him to see what she can out of him. On the other hand what are the guys motives does he really truly love her or does he just want to be able to say I did her. I think it’s pretty sad really.People should try to find someone they can connect with on every possible level not just physically even though that seems to be the strongest factor in motivation to be with someone. It’s just genetically enforced.
Hi Jack Thanks for posting a comment!
I agree with this statement you made:
“People should try to find someone they can connect with on every possible level not just physically.”
And will strive for that when I begin dating again!
I loved the blog. sometimes I feel like the bitch, but then I realize that I’m just voicing how the guy is making me feel (they call me that all the time.).. And I’ve also had a lot of people, even family members tell me how beautiful my sister is and how plain I am. Right now I’m in the opposite situation where the guy is horrible to me but my self esteem is so shot down that it doesn’t really matter how I feel anymore because I still love him.
What can I do about this? Anny Suggestions?
Beanfishy – I saw no one has replied to what you wrote so I wanted the honor. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to your conundrum and the change that creates higher self esteem has to come from within…..
This can make it an on going struggle since you are your own worst enemy and the gate keeper of your emotional freedom all at once.
I think a lot of women have struggled with this at some point in the past so there is plenty of good reference material if you look (EG- books and websites).
A good point of reference for me and others is to remove myself from whatever the relationship scenario is (in my mind) and consider whether or not I would want this guy treating my niece or sister or mother or friend this way.
When doing this exercise it’s important to try not to be bias or create excuses.
This takes a little work but when it’s implemented I think you will find that it really helps you to see the forest through the trees.
Good luck my dear!