Finding the Perfect Mate

Last night I was standing in front of the sink washing my single dish and single knife and single fork as I gazed out the window into my backyard and I thought. You know, you have never really gotten to know a man before you “fell in love” with him, in fact you always seem to fall for just any guy who likes you. Maybe, just maybe you never actually loved any of them. You just thought you did. These thoughts started to bubble up soon after I got off the phone with my first x-husband, the father of my daughter. You see he had called to wish me, in his own weird way, a happy mother’s day. We talked for a while and then later I started to have these thoughts. Oh shit, he called because he is the father of my child. It’s odd because I forgot about that. What’s even odder is I realize now that hindsight is 20/20 and he and I have nothing in common, had nothing in common and I can’t imagine why I ever thought I was in love with him. He has been so absent from my life and really just a shadow in my daughter’s life that I never think of him on father’s day. He’s not a bad person, just I don’t know what I saw in him. This realization lead me to understand that I had never truly gotten to know any of the buffoons I “fell in love” with, I just went with it, if they liked me that must be something, right?

My conversation with him came on the tail end of my having watched a show called, “The Secret Lives of Women”, they were highlighting women who love bad men and when I saw that I thought I love bad men I better watch this. Well it turns out the program was about women who fall in love with and then marry prison inmates. How does this happen you may ask? Well many women who study criminal justice are required to visit a prison and are also given information on websites where they can write to inmates and many have fallen in love over the internet with murderers and felons and some have gone on to write books about it. One of the most noteworthy is Tammi Menendez who married Erik Menendez after he had been sentenced and while he was in prison, she wrote a book called, “They Said We’d Never Make It”. Well yeah! Anyway, I watched the episode in a shocked quiet way thinking, how hard up can these women be? I mean its pathetic right? A lot of women are attracted to serial killers, the really nasty ones too and they also will marry. What the fuck is up with that?

But as I stood washing my lone dish and my lone knife and my lone fork I thought that’s it, the perfect mate is an inmate. Yeah, those girls must be onto something because you don’t have to feed them, you don’t have to see them everyday, when ever they see you they are happy, they express their love, they shower you with compliments and all they do all day long is think about you. And let’s face it you never have to worry about that silly little menacing thought that they might kill you, because for the most part you can only see them through a plexi-glass window or in a secure room with 50 guards watching. Some get sex visits, but that is more of a privilege than a right, so it’s all good. You always know where he is and if he cheats on you well it’s his ass! So all things being equal an inmate could be the perfect mate. You may never get to consummate your marriage but at least you’ll have one! Yeah, oh yeah and there are thousands of girls doing it. It must be the new trend. Marry a man who’s locked up, he’ll never divorce you, he’ll never cheat on you, he’ll always love you and you will always know where he is. I suggest you choose one’s who are serving life sentences because that’s your insurance! One woman found out the hard way when her man was released. She liked living a lone but having a husband at the same time and when he got out it was tough for her and he being the criminal that he was got re-arrested and sent right back to jail. They are now living happily as it should be. So those of you who want to be married at all costs! The perfect mate could very well be an inmate!

And this isn’t a woman’s only club, check this out:

Sexy right? And Stylish!

Question: Why should inmates be allowed to marry? Aren’t they in jail to be punished for crimes they committed? Especially death row inmates? Do you think this is fucked up, or is it just me?