Well I thought I was . . . ready for love that is, but traversing the slippery slope of internet dating smacks of all things unnatural, stranger danger and odd attractions to one dimensional images. The odd attraction to one dimensional images part, I thought, for me would be the smallest hurdle to leap. I’m into one dimensional and probably so are you if you are living in the US. Most of us associate totally with one dimensionality, but the trouble with the one dimensional universe, when used to attract a mate can be most obvious when I point out that people have way more than one dimension, shit 3 dimensions doesn’t even cut it when it comes to human behavior and most importantly the human’s ability to bullshit up a storm, or not. I often prefer and am attracted to the bullshit artist. Not sure what it is, but I love a good line and often will respond to people who are attractive and able to write a profile that fills my needs for mental stimulation. I have yet to find, with the exception of one, a profile that was so incredibly good I actually made a move. I will include my profile in the offing because while it doesn’t stink and isn’t at all bullshit, I don’t believe it expresses who I truly am, but gives a brief summary of what I want and who I’m looking for, add a good photo and well many men have shown a great interest. Is this a good thing? I don’t know, because in as much as I am looking at one dimension so are they and what you see isn’t always what you get.
Never being able to do anything in a small way, I joined 3 sites right off the bat, and being the, “new kid on the block”. I was initially inundated and overwhelmed with responses and now that the fervor has died down I’m left wondering about what I was actually thinking. I am also wondering a lot, as usual, about the human condition when it comes to all things love and about chemistry and how all of that works. I also would say that if you enter into that one dimensional universe you might want to polish up your self esteem, cause you’re gonna need it. So far I have been on 4 dates, all of which I thought were good prospects, decent men and intelligent. All 4 of said men apparently did not feel the same way about me. Well one did and that was nice, but let’s get back to the bullshitters and riddle me this? Why would someone who didn’t like you say that they did. Odd right? I don’t do that. I don’t expect that and I don’t fucking appreciate it. My bad?
Anyway nuff said about that, because while it’s perplexing I believe you should use the same mentality when you are dating that you would use when you are about to shoot a roll of film. If you take 100 pictures figure if you are lucky you will get 5 really excellant results. Maybe a better photographer would get more, but I’m still learning, navigating the equipment and taking it personally if someone doesn’t fall head over heels with me right away. It’s fun though, and distracting and at the very least it adds to my experiences which is what I am seeking right now.
You know I thought about this too. I believe at the heart of the whole internet dating scene about 90% of the time we are all basically seeking the same experience, to find and fall in love with another person who we can share everything with, someone who sees us for who we are and loves us because of it or in spite of it, hopefully both. Sometimes thinking about this makes me sad and at others, not so much. And having interacted at one level or another with some men I’m finding it is probably best to refine my style, not get so nervous and to let them talk. I also would say to pay attention to what they say when they are saying it and see if you like it. I often come from a place of wanting someone to like me, and this is wrong. Not that you shouldn’t want someone to like you, just don’t let it be your primary concern. See if you like them . . .
Well I’m off, more to come when the mood hits me!
men feel the same way, i am certain. they also want to be “liked”, and for women to find them interesting. this is probably more important to men even, male ego is a big thing. once you learn to stroke the male ego you can have whatever you like from them. you will be in the drivers’ seat if you want. i enjoy your blog and wish you luck!
It seems like so many people turn to the Internet for everything- including dating. Recently, a relative of mine has been using the Internet to meet people (she’s a recent divorcee) and met up with a bunch of different gentleman. In the end, however, she was unsatisfied with what was out there. It almost makes me wonder whether or not people really know what love is or whether they just want a warm body to sleep next to at night..
That’s a really good question Mark . . . In my experience I’ve noticed that, in general, most people don’t stop to decide what it is they want, as a result all they end up with is a warm body to sleep next to at night. Deciding what you want and who you want to be with takes courage, self-knowledge and the big P word, patience, this is a lot more difficult than taking a roll in the hay, hence the divorce statistics speak volumes about the universal state of mind . . . I know what I want, what everyone else does is their own business!
keep a notebook and add any facts about each guy… I usually call it the four stove burner strategy.. have the top guys on the front burners and then the next two on the back and rotate… enjoy the fun…
Wow Sunshine, looks like you’ve got this down to a science, not sure if I could juggle that many . . . LOL! It’s a great suggestion though! Thank you!
Wow, what an interesting and exciting journey for you! I wish you happiness in 2009, whether that means your dream-man finding you through the Internet or not (and hey…it DOES happen (cough, cough), it does!!!
Thanks Romi! I know it happens, cough, cough, wink! I wish you much luck as well!
I would like it if you mailed me.. I think we could have a lot of fun talking about our dating ventures. We have a lot in common.
Hi
I am Pernille Rose, a documentary filmmaker from Copenhagen, Denmark.
I have read your blog with great interest.
I am doing research on my new film about love addiction.
http://www.loveaddictiondoc.com
In my research I have been talking to many therapists and specialists including love addiction pioneer Pia Mellody (AZ), author and founder of the LAA website Susan Peabody (CA) and therapists Alex Katehakis (CA) and Tony Stiker (NY) to get a better understanding of this addiction.
RESEARCH ON LOVE ADDICTION DOCUMENTARY
Have you experienced love addiction? Are you a love addict? How has this affected your life?
If you, or someone you know, is interested in helping us understand more about love addiction we want to hear your story.
I am now looking for love addicts to tell me their stories so I can fully understand love addiction through the eyes of the addict.
I would like to talk with both men and women in any phases of love addiction.
I understand the sensitivity of this topic and fully respect anonymity.
I am available on email, over the phone and additionally, I am scheduled to be in Los Angeles and New York in March 2009 to meet participants in person.
Email me at: loveaddiction@danishdocumentary.com
Website: http://www.loveaddictiondoc.com
All the very best
Pernille Rose Grønkjær
Director’s bio:
Award winning director, Pernille Rose Grønkjær of Copenhagen, Denmark, is a 10-year veteran of documentary film. Her latest feature documentary “The Monastery – Mr. Vig and the Nun” premiered at Sundance, played in theatres in New York and other cities and has received worldwide acclaim, winning 14 awards internationally including The Cinema Eye Award in New York, the prestigious Joris Ivens Award in Amsterdam and it also earned a Spirit Award nomination 2008 (Independent Oscar). It has travelled to over 60 festivals around the world.
I’ve never tried Internet dating, so I don’t know if that would “work” for me, or not. I have tried the Singles Line (a phone-dating service), to no avail. Last time I was on it was the first time I never met any of the women with whom I talked. Some women simply didn’t respond to my messages–but many did. Yet the ones who did (bearing in mind I didn’t know what they looked like) just weren’t my type. This was a milestone, for me–in the past I would have just “settled”.
But I’ve come to the realization that, because I am a very unusual man, I “need” a very unusual woman. Still, no matter how unusual one is, there is not just “someone for everyone”–but millions of potential mates for each individual. The problem is that these millions are scattered all over the planet. The nearest match could be less than a mile away, or several hundred miles away. And even if you meet one of these millions, you both may be unaware of the compatibility–thus never see one another again.
I wish to God it were as simple as, “Hey, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?”(The Doors), but it isn’t. So I accept the fact that I may never meet Miss Right, and just enjoy life as much as I can–hoping I’ll meet one these millions, sometime in the process.
I love your attitude! I’ll keep it in mind! Thanks!