You Can’t Hurry Love!

“But Buddha, what if he’s a really, really nice guy that really, really loves me, and I’m just not feeling it for him, shouldn’t I just go out with him anyway and hope my feelings change?”

“No Grasshopper, you should not force yourself to love someone just because they love you, it will never work it is not natural!”

“But Buddha, I am so screwed up inside that I don’t know who to fall in love with anymore, every single guy I have ever dated has been a total loser and all of my relationships have failed, horribly. How can I trust myself to know who is right for me? I am afraid I will be alone forever and ever?”

“Well Grasshopper I don’t know what to tell you except get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a life. For only when you truly know what you want will you be able to answer your own question. Oh, and stop wanting it so bad you sound pathetic and it’s a big turn off. No wonder you pick losers! Come back when you have gained knowledge.”

I guess he told her! Sometimes it’s easier to just hear it straight! No coy disguises, no words of wisdom cloaked in parables about frogs. It is what it is. I bring this up today because those thoughts have crossed my mind in the past and lately I have reminisced about the good ones that got away. The good men that is. I have often chosen, “bad boys”, you know the ones who can’t love, the ones who think the planets revolve around them? Yeah, the ones who are far more screwed up than I will ever be, but who have figured out a way to navigate nice girls so they always end up on top in the end and then walk away leaving me to feel fucked-up and broken, my wittle heart fallen to pieces on the floor.

But what about those super nice guys who shower me with presents and gaze into my eyes as if the answer to their prayers could be found somewhere in their transparent blue. They find a reason to touch my hand when what they really want is to touch my heart and it makes me want to puke. They chisel away and poke and prod while I run like the dickens to the nearest restroom and call my girlfriend with a signal to get me the hell out of there!

This must be what it feels like to men on the receiving end of my love-lust and I am appalled to even mention it, but it has occurred to me and has even prompted me to think about forcing myself to date guys I am NOT attracted to. What is that about? Have I lost hold of my senses? Have my instinctual mating rhythms gone completely haywire? Or am I simply hard-up? I think we all know the answer to that question.

Being hard-up is not a platform from which to begin a relationship, it simply cannot be. I am not sure what to say about the timing of life and love, or what another day will bring, but I am sure about that one thing and so I won’t second guess myself and I won’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I just listen to the Buddha!

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Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

My favorite definition of whining or to whine in the online dictionary is, “to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way” and the illustration above is a visual representation of what goes on in my head most days, unless I am high on coffee or listening to music or distracting myself on bizarre shopping sprees. It’s a kind of fatty, skinny, good cop, bad cop dialogue, the purpose of which is unknown. I do know it happens even when I am not paying attention to it. My 2 egos, the narcissist and the sadist, around 24/7, to duke it out in a battle of meaningless bullshit that will endure long after the cows come home! And so instead of being graced with one enormous ego, I have 2, who can never agree on anything and vacillate whenever a decision has to be made. Argue, argue, argue, fight, fight, fight. Even when I am not living in drama it’s going on inside my head, cause I love to spice things up, but the pandemonium is deafening. Combine that with the fact that I can’t spell and well, it’s confusing! And if you think this is bad you should have seen me 10 years ago, a misshapen pie of denial and self-pity that would drown even the deepest swimming fish. Not knowing what is going on in your own mind is freakish, but knowing can be worse, because once you know you have to do something about it. Don’t you?

Since I can ignore it some of the time can I not ignore it the rest of the time too? I am NOT talking about ignoring it by distraction. I am talking about ignoring it by realizing it exists and then choosing not to pay attention to it. You know I could say, “Oh, it’s you 2 again what is it this time?” And after that I can embrace the realization that it isn’t me, but just my wacky ego’s trying to get some attention in the meaningless zone of senselessness. Because it’s never really anything so important or even life altering and it’s certainly nothing new because I have heard it all before. Maybe it’s time I stop giving credence to the bully’s and angels in my head!

As the Buddha has said. “All that we are is a result of what we have thought.”

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Serenity Sunday

And Today the Buddha!

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha.

The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care. And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings. -Buddha.

As the fletcher whittles and makes straight his arrows, so the master directs his straying thoughts. -Buddha.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. -Buddha.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~Buddha

There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed. ~Buddha

Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. ~Buddha

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill. ~Buddha

Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed. ~Buddha

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule. ~Buddha

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