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Archive for November, 2007

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Why does anyone cheat? Some studies say it’s a biological imperative, especially for men, whose genetics predispose them to seek out large numbers of women to impregnate, this helps populate the planet. For women the biological side to cheating would be about keeping the gene-pool clean, and having sex with a variety of partners would accomplish this.

Some people like to say it’s because they are not getting enough sex at home:

This is what one guy wrote in answer to why men cheat:

First off I am sure if the woman who was cheated on was putting out at home he would not of been such easy prey to the terrible whore. Like when you were dating you didn’t steal guys away from other women. Well truth is once you women get your wedding cake seems like sex falls to the way side. Men’s brains are wired differently we need sex no matter what is up in the relationship, no matter how bad our day was. Can live with the once in a blue moon blow job but need to get laid regular. When a guys wife isn’t putting out then most any woman will do. Even if she is fat or ugly. Alternative is rosy palm and her 5 sisters. guess what whore will win. So withold sex the blame him.

He is clearly a very enlightened fellow!

Do women cheat because their husbands aren’t having sex with them? I know there are men who with hold sex to exert control in marriage.

Or is it because the parties emotional needs aren’t being met?

I have read that people often cheat on their spouse simply because they can. A situation availed itself to them and they took it. Talk about low impulse control.

Marriage is supposed to be a life long partnership, but the divorce rate proves most people aren’t able to live with the same person for a lifetime.

Do you think if divorce wasn’t so easy that more people would work on their marriages?

Do you think if married people refused to have affairs with other married people marriages might stay in focus?

Do you think if single people refused to have affairs with married people marriages might get worked on?

Or do you think monogamy is an outdated concept?

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This is Just Vile!

In China they are harvesting toxic waste and using it to make cheap hair bands. Can this really be called recycling? Yeah, they collect up used condoms and convert them into pretty packages that sell for 3 cents a piece. The article
doesn’t explain exactly how this is accomplished and I have to ask where all these used condoms are coming from? Is there a used condom receptacle on every street corner, or do you use them and then sell them back to the manufacturer?  It also says that STDs like HIV and genital warts can out live the recycling process, so unsuspecting customers are at risk for infection.

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Do Not Buy Hair Products That Look Like This! 

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Do you feel like you are always dating the same dude? I mean sure he looks different and in some ways he acts different, but ultimately he is very much like every other guy you’ve dated. You keep asking yourself why does this always happen to me. Why do I end up in the same situation?

Sometimes the best thing to do is look at your past relationships, and I don’t mean mull them over in your mind. I mean put them under a microscope. Start at the beginning of your dating life and write down the name of every guy you ever went out with. Write about how you met, how long you waited before you slept with him, what his character traits were, what his family was like and why the relationship ended. Note also how you were in the relationship and what attracted you to him. Also write down anything else that occurs to you about each relationship. It can be a grueling exercise, but one with lasting benefits.

I have recently done this and the experience was illuminating. It seems I keep choosing the same guys over and over again, almost subconsciously. Writing about my past relationships has moved me to a place of realization about what is really going on inside. I hope you will challenge yourself and try this exercise. If you do I would love to hear what you learned.

Here is a short list of what I learned:

I have sex before I really get to know someone

I date men who are dishonest, unfaithful, charming and attractive

I date men who are not financially responsible and I often support them or take care of them in some way

I date men who are illusive and intelligent

I often drink too much when in relationships

I date men whose family life was very unstable when they were growing up

My beliefs about what a relationship should be are not based in reality (more on this in another post)

So tell me what did you discover?

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But tell me where’s the love?

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I’ll admit it, I’ve been reading Craigslist, (obsessively),  and have been shocked at what some people will publicly announce about other people, but yesterday I came upon a post entitled:

To the gentleman who called me a depreciating asset

Let me start by saying, that this is one of the rare postings that had a response and when I read this response I could not believe she referred to him as a “gentleman”! I am going to paste what he said into this post, but before I do I would like to know, is this stuff for real? I mean do people really think this way? In the world of high finance, have women been relegated to a plus or minus column in some rich dude’s portfolio? If so it explains a lot. I am hoping that it isn’t true and was posted simply for shock value. Tell me what you think…

Below is a copy of what he wrote, if you want to see her original post click on the link above:

“I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know. “

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Angry Man Ranting

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Found this Rant on Cragslist, this is clearly the voice of an “angry young man”! When you read this tell me what you think do you agree with me? If you could respond to this guy what would you say?

Women aren’t attracted to men.


Date: 2007-10-18, 7:04PM EDTWomen are not actually attracted to men. There is a vague idea of what a man is physically, and some are better than others aesthetically speaking, but the purely physical appearance of a man is almost inconsequential unless he is horribly ugly or outrageously attractive.

Women are attracted to status, money, how much a man smiles and laughs, how many friends and resources a man has, how full a man’s life is–how many “cool,” “exciting” and prestigious things he is doing or connected to.

They are interested in how other people view him–how many people want to be around him, how other people interact with him and whether their interactions convey that he is special and amazing. They want him to be extremely outgoing and aggressive, they want him to demonstrate his status over other people by dominating them in various non-violent ways.

A woman’s attraction to a man is a function of her jealousy at the thought of another woman having that man. She doesn’t care who he actually is or EXACTLY what he looks like physically, she only cares about the VALUE of the life he has constructed around himself.

A woman basically is a greedy materialistic prostitute. Although that sounds vulgar, it’s true. She trades her physical self to buy into the success a man has created for himself.

As a man, I fall in love with how a woman is physically. I fall in love with simple parts of a woman. Like the way her hair falls around her face, the line of her neck, her shoulders. They way her ears might peek from her hair. Her eyelashes. The size and shape of her hands, her fingernails. The way she walks, the way she looks when she is tired or annoyed, the sound she makes when she sneezes, coughs, or cries. The way she sits in a chair. The way she breathes while experiencing different emotions. The way her lips move. A million little things.

Sure, a huge part of my attraction is mental, but the powerful seed of love that builds within me and crystallizes is based greatly on visual things that set off torrents of emotion and need.

It seems to me that women almost cannot think for themselves. Their estimates of worth are based on other peoples’ estimates of worth. They don’t really find an object beautiful on their own. The object becomes beautiful when other people let her know that it is beautiful.

I’m completely unable to reconcile the differences between men and women. It seems like success with women is equal to spending half of your life working to create a giant illusion, something vastly tiring and annoying, while sacrificing your own true self and your own interests. We construct our lives around nest-building. We’re like male birds building nests and showing them off to attract mates. It’s pathetic. Everything we do is to get women. It is a fucking shit deal.

Someone needs to invent a drug which has no hormonal imbalance side-effects but is able to erase a man’s sex drive and attraction to women. It would increase productivity rates to incredible heights. I’d be free and happy. I’d feel complete. I’d be able to concentrate on my biochemistry studying.

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Serenity by the Sea

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Serenity by a Tree

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Serenity Prayer

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Tranquility

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Tranquility in Art

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A Message in a Word, in a Face!

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Courage in a Concept

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Wisdom in a Thought . . .

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Movies and television dramas can seriously distort our views on love and romance and can set us up to create unrealistic expectations in our own relationships. Let’s face it a 2 hour movie, no matter how well done, does not a life long relationship make. This can be a hard concept to swallow when we have been barraged with images of true love and romance for as long as we can remember. I believe girls are more susceptible to these images then men because we begin learning these concepts at such and early age. Stories like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are read primarily to girls and they embody a misguided concept that a man who loves us will come along and rescue us when devastating circumstances prevail. We grow up believing that love conquers all and once we have a man to love us our lives will be complete. Men are often taught to be the heroes and grow up thinking they cannot have feelings and must always be strong, capable providers.

 

These stories also invariably end with the line, “and they lived happily ever after.” If it is not stated it is implied. Of course we are not privy to the ever after, also known as the middle, only the drama that leads up to it and so in this way we often also come to believe that constant drama and intense situations are the fabric of life, so when life becomes routine and we start to get comfortable we think life is boring and we look for ways to create intensity. We feel our lives are meaningless unless they are lived like the characters in movies.

 

You may believe I am making a broad generalization, but ask yourself how your images of love and romance were formed? Who creates these images and where did they come from? Does my belief about love and romance empower me or is it a belief I have always had?

 

Do the terms, I am hopeless romantic or I am hopelessly in love bother you? Or do they seep with romantic ideals. These phrases emphasize that love and romance are situations we do not choose, but that we are victims of. As if we can’t help ourselves. They just happen. They successfully dis-empower us. Do you think it’s romantic that Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for love? Do you actually believe that a story like “Pretty Woman” could happen in real life or do you just wish it would? Or how about, “Gone with the Wind” a well known timeless classic whose love story distracts us from the real devastation of war? A more modern film, “Titanic” is also usually counted among the top 100 love stories of all time and it too distracts from a horrible tragedy by creating a romance whose heroine, on the brink of suicide is saved by a man she has never met and he becomes her savior. What about, “The Bridges of Madison County”, a story that glorifies infidelity as a way to escape the “boredom” of a “normal” life. You might also want to pay attention to how quickly the characters fall into bed with each other, as if sexual desire is an over powering urge that must be abated at once, often times before the characters have developed mutual love and respect. Sometimes the characters don’t even like each other.

 

Have you ever noticed that in the majority of love stories it is the woman who is unattainable and must be pursued by a man who has to win her heart? He will forgo rejection after rejection to obtain her love as if it were a prize, the final conquest. This gives men the false impression that women should be hard to get and that those who are open and available aren’t worth having. It teaches women to be manipulative, dishonest and fearful. In the movies, once he has proved himself worthy the story is over and the credits roll, but we never know what happens next. I bet we believe they lived happily ever after.

 

These stories keep the self-help industry afloat with such titles as, “The Rules”, “Why Men Love Bitches”, and “Manslations” which attempt to teach women how to be unattainable until the man proves himself worthy, while at the same time contributing to the illusion that we are conquests or prizes who should objectify ourselves.

 

Love stories also usually equate romance with pain and heartbreak and when these archetypes blossom in our subconscious we come to believe that love and heartbreak are a package deal. This is a prescription which instills a belief that pain in relationships is inevitable and an acceptable part of life. Pain is an inevitable part of life, but pain in a relationship between 2 mature adults should not be acceptable.

 

Finally we see that movies, television and fairy tales are not complete unless the main characters are physically beautiful. This, of course, skews our self perception and that of others. The media sets the standard for beauty in this country and keeps most of us striving for a physical perfection that is difficult for even movie stars to maintain and they are paid millions to achieve it. It also causes us to be afraid of growing old because when we do our physical beauty will diminish and our partner could leave us for someone younger and more attractive. When we compare ourselves with impossible standards it devalues us and creates an inner longing to be better. Because if we look better we will attract someone better and our need for that perfect love will be fulfilled. This one erroneous belief keeps the diet and beauty industry in business and puts to waste our hard earned money. What we may want to pay attention to is the real number of public celebrity divorces and failed relationships that occur between the most beautiful and successful people to validate the fact that they too have been sucked in by the illusion of romantic love.

 

So how do we learn what true love is?

The best way to insure a lasting relationship is to get to know who you are dating before you let the relationship get physical. Spend the time it takes to get to know someone and see if you have similar values. If the attraction lasts and a deep friendship ensues the next step is determining if there is a sexual compatibility, but be sure you really know someone before you have sex. This requires a level of maturity that few of us were taught or understand. You should be able to discuss serious issues like life goals, birth control, and health concerns etc., the way partners would.

 

If you have a history of failed relationships the best was to begin is:

By deciding what is valuable to you not your romantic ideals. Look at real life successful relationships and see how they have made their lives together work. Love yourself and find out what you like to do, alone. Realize that in a real “love relationship” both parties are open to and willing to work on the following concepts:

 

Commitment to self

Honesty

Maturity

Willingness to negotiate

Honest communication

Self awareness

Sexual compatibility

Similar values

Patience and tolerance for a wide range of emotions

Personal boundaries

Willingness to let go of control

Devotion

Quality time with each other

A willingness to face problems

Compatibility

Ease with, and respect and admiration for the other

Reciprocity

Commitment to the relationship itself as an ever changing entity

 

And most importantly realistic expectations about how much happiness should come from the relationship itself.

 

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