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Archive for December, 2007

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It’s New Year’s Eve. A time of Endings. A time of New Beginnings. A time to blog about resolutions, but I would like to talk about letting go of the past fully so we can allow the new to usher in. This can be bring about great sorrow and regret, because we like to hold onto our pain. Pain can be a comfort. Pain can become a place to lapse back to when moving ahead makes us afraid. I think we grow accustomed to pain, like a little friend we can call up when we want to assure ourselves we are still feeling. Pain is the bastard we are used to and joy is the one who got away.

Joy is the one we can never get our arms around. We dwell in the past ruminating on how we could of, should of done things differently even though we know we can’t change anything now. We hold on instead of accepting what is. We, all of us, have an inner control freak who thinks it can change circumstances, change other people’s minds, make someone love us, even if they don’t, and it is the control freak who gets us into trouble because it won’t let go. I say don’t listen to it anymore! Not just as a New Year’s Resolution, because we all know how long they last, but as a life long dialogue you have with yourself whenever you think you can change another person’s mind or behavior. Remember it is just a voice in your head!

Can you relate to this?

Do you think that you can make someone else love you?

If you do, just think about a time when someone loved you and wanted you back, but you were no longer into the relationship was there anything they could do to make you love them?

Sometimes we just have to accept that we can’t make someone love us, if they don’t!

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I think we have all heard the saying, “This too shall pass“, well I know I have and whenever someone would say it to me deep inside it pissed me off. I would think they sure have a lot of nerve telling giving me this “profound” advice, because they have no idea what I am going through and it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to pass. So the other day I was tag surfing and came upon a blog called,  “Who Knew” and the title of that post was, yup you guessed it, “This to shall pass“.  And I read the story and decided I would put it into my own words and post it for Serenity Sunday. The story helped me make sense of a saying I had heard often, but never really quite understood. It put the idea into perspective for me. It’s kind of long, but worth reading. You can read the original post here. What follows is my own version.

Once upon a time in a great city far away there lived a great King. He had riches beyond his wildest dreams and anything he desired was his. With all of his wants fulfilled he began to wish he could understand life. So he called together all of the wisest men in his kingdom and asked them to tell him the secret to getting through any situation. For he was wise and knew that there may come a time when his life might change and he would need to know what to do. 

For many months the wise men contemplated the King’s question and after much meditation they received the answer. 

When they presented the King with their findings, they did it upon the condition that he only look at the answer in dire circumstances and until then he must save it in a hidden place to which only he had access. 

The King was surprised when they handed him a small folded piece of paper, and although he wanted to open it and read it, he did as he had promised and hid it underneath the diamond in his ring. A place only he had access too. 

A day soon came when the King’s castle was under attack and he was driven out of the city. Angry troops were on his trail and he rode as fast as he could in search of safety. Indeed, he was in fear for his life and looked only for a safe haven to escape his own death. At long last there was a fork in the road, he took it, but found that it lead to the edge of a cliff that offered no exit unless he wanted to plummet into a rocky crevice hundreds of feet below. He heard the hoof-beats of the soldiers in the distance and for the first time in his life he was afraid. 

He looked over the edge of the cliff. As he did sunlight glinted off his diamond ring and he remembered there was a message there! He took out the small piece of paper and read the answer: 

This too shall pass.” 

He read it twice more: 

This too shall pass.”

This too shall pass.” 

He realized the profundity in those four words. For just days ago he had been a great King whose every desire was granted yet today he was running for his life from troops who wanted to do him harm. He looked around for the first time taking in the vast beauty of his surroundings and realized he had never been to this place before. If he had not been driven towards it he would not have known it was part of his kingdom. He was filled with a deep sense of awe and peace and knowingness which overwhelmed him. He lost track of time and forget about his fear. He soon noticed the sound of the troops was off in the distance far away from him and he was able to creep back to his castle and start anew. 

He rebuilt his Kingdom and conquered his enemies and once again established a life of riches. There was a great celebration for his success and all was well. As he stood in the middle of his courtyard observing all he had achieved, his ego spoke, saying, “I am a great man and I can never be defeated again, all that I observe is mine.” He smiled to himself and drank from his goblet gloating over his conquests! 

But then during a downward glance he caught sight of the sun shinning on his Diamond ring and he remembered the message and the great knowledge hidden underneath. 

This too shall pass.” 

And he grew solemn. He was humbled by a barrage of thoughts. If this too shall pass, than it shall never be mine. I can observe it. I can see my life as it is now, always knowing that it can change in an instant. For life is filled with great joy and great sorrow and I shall embrace it all as the perceiver of what comes and goes, for this too shall pass.

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I guess they just decided to explode it without ever really thinking about the falling debris. Giant pieces of blubber rained down in Oregon that day. Even though this has nothing to do with love and it’s a really old piece of news it’s still funny as hell and someone has dedicated a website to it! I love the old news coverage as well! Some Saturday fun for you!

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Imagine if you could just take a pill to forget him or her! It wouldn’t be as complicated as the process they used in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” That asked the question, “Why live with the painful memories of a destructive relationship if you don’t have too?”, and promised a focused erasure of such memories with side effects no worse than a bad hang over.

In the aftermath of many painful break-ups I often wished I could forget the other person as if they never existed, instead of mourning the relationship and missing the good times we had. Believe me sometimes it hurt so much that I wished I could just take a pill to forget everything. In some ways I did drug myself. Sometimes through drinking. Sometimes through eating. Sometimes through TV watching. Sometimes through sleeping. And now after long last it seems they are experimenting with a drug called, Propranolol to help people who have post traumatic stress disorder forget excruciating experiences.

Looks like there are two sides of the coin. One being, painful experiences shape who we are and who we become. They help us to learn and mature. They teach us not to make the same mistakes twice. The other side says, why should we remember something that is going to fuck us up for life. How can that be useful? Remember that the idea is that the drug would be used for victims of violent crime to help them adjust and get past the experience and move on with their lives, but like all other drugs isn’t it plausible to use it for people who are experiencing other kinds of emotional pain and regret? It seems to me that in many ways we all drug ourselves to forget the hurt anyway, so is this any different? I am wondering how such a drug would work and does it only target one stressful event, because endings can be very complex encompassing many stressful events. At what point would you take the pill and do you have to keep on taking it?

So let me ask you, if you could take a pill to forget a painful relationship, or to let go of your painful past would you? Or do you feel that these experiences, however hurtful are a valuable part of life?

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Now if you get mad at your partner you can hurl them into his or her face!

Yup, I went over to PsychoforLove and found another article, this one filled with Christmas cheer about a man who got pissed at his wife and decided it would be okay to launch a plate of fresh, hot burgers at her head! She retaliated by kicking him where it counts!

An Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputy responded to a call on Keyser Miller Road after a woman complained she had fled her home after a fight with her live-in boyfriend.  She stated that they had been having problems because she had accused him of having other girlfriends.”

Apparently he absconded after the incident because, according to the article, he could not be reached for comment. Luckily even after the burger pelting the woman was not injured, she refused medical treatment complaining of nothing more serious than a headache!

What is it about throwing food that makes me laugh out loud? I had a friend who’s father threw an open can of tuna fish at her mother and she said people throw food because it is there, it’s easy and many times it’s what’s in your hand when you are outraged!

In other news today

It seems male monkeys can’t orgasm unless the female they are mating with screams out his name, well I am only guessing it’s his name, the report stated that the females utter loud distinctive calls while fornicating which incites the males thrusting mechanism and results in ejaculation 59% of the time! Who knew there were scientists on the planet sitting around watching monkey sex and counting the number of thrusts? I don’t think I did want to know this, did you?

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I love to give gifts, but I often feel uncomfortable receiving them. As I child I had no problem with it and I would rip through my presents in no time, but as I got older I noticed I had trouble when people gave me gifts or compliments or offered help during tough times. I knew I always wanted these things, but when they were given to me I felt weird inside.

Giving is different. I love to give gifts or help or compliments. I love it when I can make someone smile. I love to brighten someone’s day. I think it is easier to give than it is to receive. I also feel this way when it comes to intimate relationships. I feel awkward when my partner extends love. Sometimes I don’t even notice it. I don’t notice when they are doing their best to give to me, because it seems their best isn’t good enough, it can’t compare to my best or to what I give in the relationship. It makes for hard times and animosity.

So this year on Christmas I went out of my way to very much notice all the love that was coming my way, sometimes by way of a gift I got to rip open, but more by way of the love and intention behind the gift. Whenever I thought I wanted more I said to myself, “accept this!” They are giving you their best and it is enough and I was grateful for it. I opened myself up to receive and I was ever so happy!

So how are you at receiving?

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This is my favorite video for Christmas. I also would like to honor the memory of John Ritter who was fabulous in this film and many others!

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