Yup, today’s my birthday, but that doesn’t mean humor week will be coming to a screeching halt, it just means I had to mention it. It’s kind of funny too because I am giving myself a very expensive gift. I am not sure how it happened and I really didn’t plan it this way but coincidentally today is the day a bunch of men will be jack-hammering a hole in my basement floor to let the water out. It is the first day since March 8th that I won’t have to shop vac, at least I don’t think I will and I am so relieved. So Happy Birthday to me!
And now Today’s funny little piece, it’s an Employee Evaluation I found. I think it must have been passed around at my place of work years ago. Feel free to use it to evaluate others!!
Employee Evaluation Form
Name: ___________________________ Date: _____________________
- The Son of a bitch really knows his shit.
- Knows just enough to be dangerous.
- Only half a brain and is dangerous.
- Fucking brain damaged. His Coffee cup has a higher IQ.
- Does Excellent work if not preoccupied with pussy.
- Pretty good only occasionally blows it out his ass.
- Has to take off his shoes to count higher than 10.
- Couldn’t count his balls and get the same number twice.
- Extremely cooperative – if you kiss his ass frequently.
- Brown noser in good standing.
- Often pisses off co-workers – thinks he owns the place.
- Doesn’t give a shit – never did – never will.
- Really a dependable little cock-sucker.
- Works so hard that he must take an extra day off each week.
- Can rely on him to be the first one out the door.
- Totally fucking worthless.
- Extremely neat. Even combs his pubic hair.
- Looks great on his days off.
- Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.
- Dirty, Filthy, Smelly, Son-of-a-bitch.
- Goes like a motha-fucka if there is money in it for him.
- Does all kinds of good shit at evaluation time.
- Works well after an enema.
- Couldn’t do less if he were in a coma.
- Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.
- Macho attitude. Commands total disgust.
- Dog fasted 3 days last time he brought home pork chops.
- Mother Teresa told him to get fucked.
Employee must read and sign acknowledgment below:
I understand that I have been counseled and understand my rights under the privacy act of 1974. I further acknowledge that I am as fucked up as a football bat and I will make some attempt to correct my deficiencies.
Employee Signature Date