I don’t know, maybe it’s the phase of the moon, but I have been thinking a lot about the attraction factor this week and how difficult it can be to compete in a world preoccupied with looks. Today I want to talk about what happens when your partner is no longer attracted to, and more specifically I want to talk about when they are no longer attracted to you because you have gained weight. I hear about this a lot, especially from women who start out in a relationship at an average weight and then over time begin to gain once the relationship becomes comfortable. It reminds me of the “freshman 15″, except rather than just 15 pounds it can become 20 or even 30 pounds and sometimes more. Some couples spend a lot of time eating out or preparing meals together or their lives get so hectic that they eat convenience food and have no time to exercise and all of a sudden both are gaining weight. Sometimes I think weight gain happens because a couple gets into a routine of watching TV and eating late a night and then going to sleep, or perhaps it’s just the boredom factor, but whatever the cause eventually overtime in relationships weight gain happens. I think it’s a well known fact that women gain weight much easier than men and if a man gains 10 pounds a woman might gain 15 or 20. This leads to my next observation. Men are primarily visual creatures, living in a visual world of “eye candy”. I mean it’s inescapable. Sooner or later we all begin to believe that every one “should” look a certain way, never taking into account the fact that celebrities and models looks are often modified in the media so they look good all the time. So now you are with your loved one and everything seems great. You are living a comfy-cozy existence, feeling safe and secure in your relationship when all of a sudden the sex begins to wan and you notice your jeans are getting a little tight and your cheeks are getting a little puffy and you say something to your partner like, “Geez, I think I am gaining some weight.” And your partner concurs and admits they are gaining too. So you decide to diet together and that lasts about a week and it’s right back to the old routine and more weight gain and less sex. The cycle continues and one day your partner points out a particularly over-weight person and says, “if you ever look like that I will leave you.” You are stunned because you can’t imagine why anyone would compare you with someone “that” over weight, and you can’t believe they could think you could balloon up to that size ever. Then you start to get self-conscious and a downward spiral of self-hatred begins. With self hatred comes the need to self-medicate and if food is your drug of choice more over-eating ensues. Until that dreaded day when your partner proclaims they aren’t attracted to you anymore, and even thought they may have gained some weight too it’s more acceptable on a guy. You know they wear it better. And the next thing you know he has hooked-up with someone younger and thinner and he is out the door. I don’t like guys like this. I know a lot people will say, “Hey, if your weight is ruining your relationship, lose it. Being overweight is bad for your health anyway”, but what if you are healthy and you just don’t fit the “prescribed” thinness that’s expected in society? I think a guy who leaves you because you are over-weight is a superficial Jack-ass. I think if you are dating or married to someone who obsesses about your weight that it’s time to re-think the relationship, because no one stays beautiful forever and a person who does that won’t stick around for the long-haul and the first chance they get they will be out the door!