My favorite definition of whining or to whine in the online dictionary is, “to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way” and the illustration above is a visual representation of what goes on in my head most days, unless I am high on coffee or listening to music or distracting myself on bizarre shopping sprees. It’s a kind of fatty, skinny, good cop, bad cop dialogue, the purpose of which is unknown. I do know it happens even when I am not paying attention to it. My 2 egos, the narcissist and the sadist, around 24/7, to duke it out in a battle of meaningless bullshit that will endure long after the cows come home! And so instead of being graced with one enormous ego, I have 2, who can never agree on anything and vacillate whenever a decision has to be made. Argue, argue, argue, fight, fight, fight. Even when I am not living in drama it’s going on inside my head, cause I love to spice things up, but the pandemonium is deafening. Combine that with the fact that I can’t spell and well, it’s confusing! And if you think this is bad you should have seen me 10 years ago, a misshapen pie of denial and self-pity that would drown even the deepest swimming fish. Not knowing what is going on in your own mind is freakish, but knowing can be worse, because once you know you have to do something about it. Don’t you?
Since I can ignore it some of the time can I not ignore it the rest of the time too? I am NOT talking about ignoring it by distraction. I am talking about ignoring it by realizing it exists and then choosing not to pay attention to it. You know I could say, “Oh, it’s you 2 again what is it this time?” And after that I can embrace the realization that it isn’t me, but just my wacky ego’s trying to get some attention in the meaningless zone of senselessness. Because it’s never really anything so important or even life altering and it’s certainly nothing new because I have heard it all before. Maybe it’s time I stop giving credence to the bully’s and angels in my head!
As the Buddha has said. “All that we are is a result of what we have thought.”