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Archive for June, 2008

I’ve been thinking a lot about change this week, not the money kind, but the kind that happens within. What prompts us to change, and how change happens gradually, so gradually in fact that we don’t even notice it, unless we take a good look. My X and I used to have a regular argument, he held a hard and fast belief that people were simply not able to change, he said, “A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots!” I had a couple problems with that statement, first the obvious, people are not leopards, and second I believe change is the only constant. Then coming in a slow third was the fact that if he said he didn’t believe people were capable of change I knew, although I didn’t want to look at it, that what he was really saying was that he was never going to change. The third thing, the one I didn’t want to look at was the one that made the most sense, because he never did change, he just moved his spots around or painted them out entirely when it was time to enter another relationship. With me he let his spots show and I didn’t like everything I saw, but I thought that he was like me and that he was capable of change. What a big fucking mistake that was!

You see I do believe people are capable of change, they may not want to change, they may not think they need to change, but every now and then they are “forced” to change. I think this is a good thing, because who wants to remain the same forever. And if you ask yourself the question, “have I changed?” you might notice that you have and that the change was so subtle that you haven’t noticed it yet. The thing about change is that it might not always be “positive”, it could be that your opinions are now more harsh, or your thinking process has become rigid and judgmental because as we age a lot of ideas we had when we were younger get chopped up in the garbage disposal of life and we don’t believe that anything is possible the way we used to. It’s pretty easy to fall into the life sucks, all men are shit and I will never find a loving relationship mindset and then everything seems pretty shitty. The result, we change, but not in a good way. And change can go the other way too. This depends entirely on who you are inside, and I’m not going to go into that lame, seeing the glass half full or half empty scenerio except to say that it does have something to do with it, since we can choose how to see things, and as I said before being forced to change can be harsh, just like it is in nature. Devastation happens before the change it is what it is, and while you can be sad about it, devastated even, how sad can you be and for how long and will this become your story? Hi my name is so and so and I have been devastated and I will remain so for eternity! In the past couple of months I have had the privilege of witnessing change in action, a change in the people I love and a change in myself. This all came about because a dear friend of a friend was in a near fatal car accident (note the devastation). Our friend may never be the same and he is now recovering in a head trauma center nearby. But my friend and I were talking yesterday and she mentioned what she called a “ripple effect” in how his accident has changed, for the good, the lives of the people who love him and even those like myself who just know him a little. And this is amazing to me. My friend’s relationship with her husband has improved 100% and while even though our friend was in the midst of divorce before his accident his wife is now at his beside everyday and there is so much love pouring forth to him it’s simply a miracle, because it was demonstrated that life is precious and in one second it can be taken away or changed drastically and we simply do not know what we have until it is gone, (this also works the other way too you may not notice how how bad your life sucked until the person you were with is gone you only notice you are alone, not that you are free). Now I see people are paying attention to the frailty of life and love and noticing what matters and what doesn’t and they have changed and I believe the change is going to stick! I believe people can change and to anyone who doesn’t, I say, “You have changed you just haven’t noticed and if you look inside you will see, but then ask yourself has my change made me feel better or has it made me a jaded, unpleasant fuck who hates life and everything in it? And if you notice you have only gotten more rotten, remember you can change that too it’s just more work, because change is the only constant, but misery remains the same no matter how you word it!”

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The Unexplainable!

What are your thoughts?

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What’s in a Name?

I have had so much to do this week that I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet! I wish I could say it’s from all the sex I’ve been having, but no! Just working like crazy running around like a mad woman and this morning when I woke up I didn’t have the energy it would take to chew a stick of care free gum, so I’m resorting to posting some pictures that were sent to me and it’s all about names. I hope it distracts you for a minute and makes you smile!

Clever, right? Definitely gets the point across. I would use this service just because of the name!

I want to see Big Dick and ask him a couple of questions!

Brilliant!

Guess you can tell what’s on my mind today!

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. . . Being Stupid Makes You Stupid! Case in Point!

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I don’t go out much in the morning and I never, ever read the news. I suppose that makes me an uniformed American, but I really don’t give a fuck about being informed. I don’t believe half of what is reported and I am not in the mood to read about what is reported because most of it is bullshit anyway, or fluff and it pisses me off! I don’t want to watch news that pisses me off and puts me in a less than desirable state of mind, so I avoid it most of the time.

So this morning when I went out to go to the post office I turned on the radio and heard that George Carlin died. I guess I always knew he would die, he was looking more and more frail and one of the last times I saw him he seemed REALLY PISSED OFF. When he got pissed off he turned it into humor and I love that about him! In fact I think I learned more about life and truth by watching and listening to him than I ever did by watching the news and I laughed a lot more, which is what I like to do. I like to walk away laughing and I prefer my humor to be based in truth just another reason why I loved George Carlin. He was no bullshit, straight-up and to the point and he was never, ever afraid to say what was on his mind. I didn’t always agree with what he said, but I respected who he was and the way he delivered a message.

I am sad that he won’t be around to entertain me any longer and I’m upset that another extraordinary person has existed the planet I didn’t expect it so soon. I’m glad I can call up his videos on YouTube whenever I want to, it’s a nice alternative to the news!

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I read this story earlier in the week in response to something a friend of mine is going through. What it says to me is that we can’t always see why circumstances happen, we don’t know when we are in the middle of something devastating what purpose it will serve. We tend to listen to the voice in our head that tells us everything bad that can happen will happen, forgetting that life is a mixture of experiences, rather than accepting the fact that the only constant in the world is change and change can feel devastating especially when it is forced upon us without our consent, especially when that change is one that is our of our control, sometimes we have the mistaken belief that we can control everything and when life goes wrong we are reminded that we control nothing, except how we handle the circumstances. So here’s a little reminder that we don’t always see in 3 dimensions.

When Your Hut’s on Fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, ‘God! How could you do this to me?’ Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! ‘How did you know I was here?’ asked the weary man of his rescuers. ‘We saw your smoke signal,’ they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It’s easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

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. . . and announces that he’s got a surprise for you. He greets you with a kiss on the mouth that lingers a little longer than expected. He hands you a bouquet of fresh Spring flowers, their fragrance sweetens the air and you step back. His smile is dashing. It isn’t difficult to tell what is on his mind and your thoughts speed up imagining what the next few hours will bring. It’s been a long time since he’s come on this strong. It feels nice. It’s more than nice and the heat moves through you. Then you take a second glance and notice his right arm is behind his back weighed down with something large, is it a box? And your mind wanders again, “He brought me a present, is it lingerie?” So you tease him, “What are you holding, what did you buy me?” But he holds back, prolonging the moment, making you wait. He lures you to the bedroom, kicks off his shoes and puts the package on your pillow. Then he starts to undress, first his tie, then his jacket and then you take over opening his shirt one button at a time until you get to his belt and he begins to undress you. You lay down together on his side of the bed, the package forgotten for the moment. He’s never made love to you like this before . . .

Then he stops and hands you the present, it’s wrapped in white, shiny paper, but there’s no bow and it’s heavy, too heavy to be what you expected and as your curiosity mounts you also don’t care what’s inside. You put the gift down and start to kiss him, but he insists that you open it. He’s so excited that you can’t help yourself. Caught up in the moment your rip off the paper and throw it on the floor. But, what? Are you seeing this right. You look at the box and you look up at him, he’s gleaming and you look back again, not able to comprehend what the hells is going on and you read the words, ANAL INTRUDER 2000. And you ask yourself, What is an anal intruder? He is almost panting and you don’t want to destroy the moment, but you have no idea what to do. “Does he want me to stick this thing up his ass or does he want to stick it up mine?”

The passion seeps out of you before you can ask and you wonder why you didn’t know this about him before?

What would you do?

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