A long time ago in a land far away I was a member of eharmony! Yeah it’s true! When I was married I once kidded with my husband saying that if I was single eharmony was the dating service I would use to catch me a man. He thought it was a good idea too. It’s a well known fact that most people met their significant other at work or through someone at work and many times your spouse will find someone new to love where they work. For those of us who work from home, who have a large circle of married friends finding romance can be a bitch, unless you want to go to a bar, ick and living in a small town makes the task seem more daunting still. This was, still is actually, the dilemma I find myself in. But when I was fresh out of my marriage I felt a strong urge to jump on the horse again. This may have been my first mistake. Because I’m thinkin that when you are filling out the 2 hour questionnaire you might want to be in your right mind, instead of being in the worst possible emotional state of all time, heat broken and hard up for some love. Because filling out that God awful form is how your matches are chosen. Needless to say I was matched with some fucked up fellows, as fucked up as me I suppose and maybe a little more so. The other issue I had with eharmony was the unavailability of men in my area, sometimes the closest man was 90 minutes away and until I added an out of state option I had 2 matches. I’m just not that interested in far away dating and at that time fueling up your car would not prevent you buying food, so it wasn’t that. So I closed my eharmony account and had a dubious affair with (A) who looked good on paper and did all the right things, well mostly, but who ended up to be one of the strangest persons I have ever known. A true freak of nature. I met him on Cupid, a place very much like an online pick-up joint where everyone is looking to get laid and your biggest concern could be deciphering profiles to determine if the available singles are indeed married. If they aren’t married they tend to be serial daters whose profiles never come down and when I checked 3 years later could find the same men, “still looking” in my area. Match is the same way. I am wondering where the success stories come from. Maybe it’s that one in ten thousand that works, who knows? And to be honest I’m not that interested in finding out.
Whatever the case may be I am inundated daily with emails about dating sites, Christian singles, Big Fat singles, Singles who like cars, motorcycles and speed racing, Singles over 40,50, and 60. There are Well endowed Singles who are available right now to have sex with me in my area and if you ask they will send you a youtube video of their masturbating bliss. I have also been told that I have a “secret lover” who awaits my response right after I download a ring tone onto my cell phone. And day after day I get mail from eharmony explaining that if I don’t act now I will miss out on that special someone, my perfect match! It makes me very nervous because what if I am? Of course it’s supposed to make me nervous isn’t it, cuz if I don’t find the love of my life on their site I might be alone forever and ever, a fate worse than contracting VD or finding out you have hemorrhoids.
Yesterday I was graced with an email from eharmony that provided me with 5 Rules for dating, oh joy! I’ve copied and pasted them for your perusal.
Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut
Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.
Rule #2: Pay Attention to Red Flags
Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. Oftentimes this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we’re not paying attention. To become a truly successful single in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to become a red flag specialist. That means paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on dates. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they’re not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue them.
Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly. Or maybe they claim they’re ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye tells you otherwise. To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don’t match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your time and energy.
Rule #4: Don’t Play Games
Successful singles know what goes around comes around. They also know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. If you don’t want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate way. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing games. Expect the same in return. If you don’t get it, don’t play games by taking that out on the next person you date.
Rule #5: Know When to Say “Game Over”
Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” Here’s how to spot a player: When they approach, they’ll take you off guard with a backhanded compliment/insult along the lines of “you’re too cute to be wearing that” or “I’d buy you a drink, but you probably wouldn’t talk to me.” These tactics are known as The Game. The player’s motive is to take you off guard so that you’re on the defensive and try to make up for it by engaging in their game. The problem is, these players aren’t genuine. Instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say “game over,” and walk (better yet, run!) away.
While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of relationship success.
It seems like all the standard stuff, but I do believe they have failed to mention a few that are more important and should include some safety tips.
- When you are going to meet someone for the first time, tell a friend or relative where you are going and who you are meeting, his or her full name. Also schedule a phone call to check in. Leave the information written down at home where it is readily available in case you don’t check in. Better to be paranoid is my philosophy.
- Stop going from one relationship right into another, hard-up is not the new sexy.
- Stop taking it personally if the relationship doesn’t work out, whining won’t make it so.
- Stop thinking that real life happens like it does in the movies or in eharmony ads. A 90 minute movie or 2 minute ad is a sales pitch, nothing more.
- Stop believing that someone else can complete you, only you can complete you. 2 halves don’t make a whole.
- And have fun Dag nab it, life goes on whether you’re in a relationship or not!