I’ve been thinking a lot about change this week, not the money kind, but the kind that happens within. What prompts us to change, and how change happens gradually, so gradually in fact that we don’t even notice it, unless we take a good look. My X and I used to have a regular argument, he held a hard and fast belief that people were simply not able to change, he said, “A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots!” I had a couple problems with that statement, first the obvious, people are not leopards, and second I believe change is the only constant. Then coming in a slow third was the fact that if he said he didn’t believe people were capable of change I knew, although I didn’t want to look at it, that what he was really saying was that he was never going to change. The third thing, the one I didn’t want to look at was the one that made the most sense, because he never did change, he just moved his spots around or painted them out entirely when it was time to enter another relationship. With me he let his spots show and I didn’t like everything I saw, but I thought that he was like me and that he was capable of change. What a big fucking mistake that was!
You see I do believe people are capable of change, they may not want to change, they may not think they need to change, but every now and then they are “forced” to change. I think this is a good thing, because who wants to remain the same forever. And if you ask yourself the question, “have I changed?” you might notice that you have and that the change was so subtle that you haven’t noticed it yet. The thing about change is that it might not always be “positive”, it could be that your opinions are now more harsh, or your thinking process has become rigid and judgmental because as we age a lot of ideas we had when we were younger get chopped up in the garbage disposal of life and we don’t believe that anything is possible the way we used to. It’s pretty easy to fall into the life sucks, all men are shit and I will never find a loving relationship mindset and then everything seems pretty shitty. The result, we change, but not in a good way. And change can go the other way too. This depends entirely on who you are inside, and I’m not going to go into that lame, seeing the glass half full or half empty scenerio except to say that it does have something to do with it, since we can choose how to see things, and as I said before being forced to change can be harsh, just like it is in nature. Devastation happens before the change it is what it is, and while you can be sad about it, devastated even, how sad can you be and for how long and will this become your story? Hi my name is so and so and I have been devastated and I will remain so for eternity! In the past couple of months I have had the privilege of witnessing change in action, a change in the people I love and a change in myself. This all came about because a dear friend of a friend was in a near fatal car accident (note the devastation). Our friend may never be the same and he is now recovering in a head trauma center nearby. But my friend and I were talking yesterday and she mentioned what she called a “ripple effect” in how his accident has changed, for the good, the lives of the people who love him and even those like myself who just know him a little. And this is amazing to me. My friend’s relationship with her husband has improved 100% and while even though our friend was in the midst of divorce before his accident his wife is now at his beside everyday and there is so much love pouring forth to him it’s simply a miracle, because it was demonstrated that life is precious and in one second it can be taken away or changed drastically and we simply do not know what we have until it is gone, (this also works the other way too you may not notice how how bad your life sucked until the person you were with is gone you only notice you are alone, not that you are free). Now I see people are paying attention to the frailty of life and love and noticing what matters and what doesn’t and they have changed and I believe the change is going to stick! I believe people can change and to anyone who doesn’t, I say, “You have changed you just haven’t noticed and if you look inside you will see, but then ask yourself has my change made me feel better or has it made me a jaded, unpleasant fuck who hates life and everything in it? And if you notice you have only gotten more rotten, remember you can change that too it’s just more work, because change is the only constant, but misery remains the same no matter how you word it!”