Archive for July, 2008

In order to learn the important lessons in life one must, each day surmount a fear.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many times when we talk about being afraid we jump right to being afraid of the big things like disasters or mugging or murder, stuff in horror movies or even what’s on the news, which I like to avoid at all costs. And in some ways we live in a society governed by fear and sometimes it feels like we are always on guard looking around us and being paranoid, but I think the big fears cause us to lose sight of the little fears, the underlying fears that are with us all the time! In fact sometimes we are afraid of things that we aren’t even consciously aware of. Fear of what’s going to happen in the future, fear of rising gas prices, fear of losing our jobs, fear of never finding a partner, fear of gaining a few pounds, fear, fear, fear. Most of the time our fears are irrational, or unsupported by truth and contribute to an almost constant state of anxiety that feels normal.

I was thinking about this the other day while I was getting a root canal, while I was literally having a panic attack in the chair and the endodontist and his nurse were telling me to breathe I had to ask myself what exactly I was afraid of? What’s worse is that I was stressing the procedure all day and had all I could do not to cancel it out of fear. I had to push myself through the fear of the procedure, an irrational fear, in order to get the work done. And within the fear of the procedure were included like a hundred mini fears, including paying out the money and how that would effect my already huge payment load, and it just went on and on until I was in a little mini frenzy. See I do stress the small stuff, while logically, what experience has shown me is that I always come out alright. I always come out on the other side, fine and dandy and usually if I am lucky I learn something from the experience, even if it takes a while for that learning to kick in.

Often when we think about surmounting our fears we think of fear of flying, or jumping out of an airplane and we go to seek out thrills that will help us over come it, but what I am going to do rather than run out and do the bungee cord thing is to search my mind for the little daily fears that I may not be aware of and then surmount them by telling myself that it ain’t no big thang and when the fear creeps in I’ll address it and then one fear at a time I will eventually become fearless. Some really smart person cornered the market on conquering fear when they said, “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself!” And if you really think about it you will realize that in most situations where you are afraid it’s the fear that rules you. Fear has it’s place but let’s face it, fear should be used with caution and in circumstances where it is healthy and justified, not in everyday living where it is defined as stress. So figure out what fears you and let it go! I believe fearlessness is the key to freedom of self and self mastery. Imagine how you would feel if you weren’t afraid of anything . . .

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Here are some of the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational entries where readers were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. I love making up new words and when someone sent me this list in an email I definitely had to share it, but it looks like I have to brush up on my creative skills! I loved all of these and found it very difficult to pick a favorite, so I didn’t, but if forced I would choose, Sarchasm & reintarnation!

(1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting tax stimulus package, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

(2) Bozone (noun): The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

(3) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

(4) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

(5) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn’t get it.

(6) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

(7) Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

(8) Karmageddon: Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

(9) Decafalon: (noun): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

(10) Glibido: All talk and no action.

(11) Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

(12) Arachnoleptic Fit: (noun): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

(13) Cashtration: (noun): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

(14) Beelzebug: (noun): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom, and your ear, at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

(15) Caterpallor: (noun): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

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A Public Service Announcement or something like it!

Pictured above is a tooth filled with amalgam and if you have really good eyes you can see a hair line crack in the tooth. For a while there was a lot of controversy about amalgam fillings, maybe there still is, but I remember it was a hot topic of conversation for me about 15 years ago. I didn’t have a tooth in any of my molars that did not have an ugly metal filling and while I understood about the toxic effects of mercury in my mouth I simply never had the funds to have all of my fillings removed, plus I was told that removing those fillings can also be a toxic experience, so I rationalized that it was 6 of 1 half dozen of the other. Also I usually think stuff about toxins in your mouth needs to be taken with a grain of salt and conspiracy theories abide yada, yada, yada. Now if you go to the FDA website you will find that they do admit that mercury is a neuro-toxin. Okey Dokey, nuff said about that.

What I didn’t read and what I was never told until this year was that amalgam fillings, being made of mercury and other metals expand and contract while they are in your teeth, especially the big ones. This unfortunately leads to a situation where you tooth and the root itself can crack, when this happens there is no solution except to have the tooth pulled. Ain’t nuthin sexy about being toothless, and unable to chew. I’m here to tell you. Within in the last year I have had to have 2 upper molars (left side) surgically removed due to this problem, in years prior I have had to have all my lower molars (both side) and other primary teeth basically replaced. Talk about spending a bundle and just when I thought it was over it starts again on the left! Talk about throwing good money after bad. And what sucks to high heaven is the fact that all of it was already paid for once. Why in the name of all that is good and holy do I have to pay for it all over again? Dental coverage is basically non-existent and most of my expenses have been out of pocket. Today I go for a root canal ($1250.00), you get what you pay for especially with dental work and I’ve had the $500.00 root canal and I wouldn’t recommend it. What I am trying to say is, if you have amalgam fillings and a little money on the side just get rid of them sooner rather than later and one at a time if need be, especially the big ones because they will come back to haunt you!

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Pamper Yourself ~

What have you done for you lately?

I was sitting at my good friend’s hair salon yesterday, for hair day, and being the “watcher” that I am I was noticing how much all of the patrons were enjoying the services they were receiving, be it a color, cut or shampoo and then it dawned on me that this appointment, usually scheduled every 4 to 6 weeks, might be the only me time they got. Hmmm? It was probably a little slice in the time slot of their weekly schedules that they had all to themselves, away from responsibilities of home and family, work and stress and I wondered if they even noticed how much they were loving it? We all need me time, alone time, time to be pampered and looked after. And sometimes simply adding something like a monthly massage or pedicure or manicure can be the key to helping us enjoy life a whole lot more. We often do it and aren’t aware of it, or we don’t do it and feel like something is missing from our lives.

I’m the self indulgent type, so I usually treat myself to little gifts, massages, waxing, (doesn’t seem like a treat), facials, pedicures and once for 6 months in a row I had flowers delivered to my door, (monthly). I even wrote myself a note telling myself how marvelous and incredible I was. In essence I sent myself love during a time when I was feeling slightly unloved. We can fulfill our own needs and often the best way to achieve this is by identifying them. Are you feeling like you never get touched? Schedule a massage! Come on, you know you can afford it if you save up weekly, it will give you something to look forward to! Are you feeling like you can never be alone add something stupid like an hour walk for yourself, you don’t even have to take the dog, just tell everyone that’s what you are going to do and then do it, people around you can adjust to your needs as long as you communicate it them properly. Are you feeling like you need a change? Go to a hair salon and do it, get a haircut, and color, and guys can do this too and they can get massages, pedicures and take walks. The best place for me to walk is by the water. Most states have a register of hiking trails, albeit they can be difficult to find, but then it becomes and adventure. Walking by large lakes, rivers and of course the ocean are all places I can lose myself. Pampering yourself doesn’t have to be about money indulgence it can just be about finding something to do that is outside of your normal routine, something that you have always wanted to do and that you never seem to find the time for. If it feels like work you aren’t pampering yourself, if it feels like fun, if it feels like something you can lose yourself in especially if you forget about time when you are doing it you know you’ve found the one thing you’ve been longing for, that one thing to complete you and when you do it you improve your relationship with yourself. You complete you! Contrary to popular opinion, self indulgence when done in the light of self care is a good thing and we all, everyone of us is in need of it, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Figure out what you need, what is missing and then fill the void. You’ll feel a lot better and you will have more to give back to the world!

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Tasteless Hilarious Video That I Just Keep Watching!

I posted this back in October and a good friend of mine wrote to me from Italy asking for the link because she loved it so much and she is not the type to love tasteless! When I watched it again like 3 times I just knew it was the best thing to post on a Friday and it’s kind of catchy. The little guy cracks me up more than the main character. I posted this originally as a dude not to date and at the same time, maybe it’s because I’ve had a long dry spell, but after a while he is kind of appealing. Either way just watch it, it’s just too funny not too!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

~Oscar Wilde

A wise friend once told me, that for the first year of every relationship you are not dating the person, you are dating their representative! Pretty funny, right? I believe this is fundamentally true. I think in love relationships as in life we all wear masks. Not to say that this is a bad thing. I mean we, most of us, would act differently around out mothers than we would around our closest friends and even our bosses and co-workers. This is how we navigate in society and while our primary M.O. is usually constant we are adaptable and able to change when circumstances require it. So it goes without saying that when we are dating we do what we can to make the best impression on a potential partner. Some people are better at this than others and it may take a lot longer to get to know those people than it does to get know people who are not so good at it.

I was told over and over again by my X and by my daughter in particular that I should try to be more like the former. I am too right out there with what I am thinking. I have often been told that I am TOO honest, if that’s even possible, and that I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. In essence in “love” relationships, especially in the beginning less is more. But what the fuck is up with that? I am not good at coy disguises and I believe that being up front with someone is the most important quality a person can have, but you know, when you hear it from more than one person you start to question yourself and your primary beliefs and worse yet you start to question the true motivation of others. Am I dating him or his representative? Is it real or is it Memorex? Since I am up front and out there with everything almost right from the beginning, I unconsciously believe that everyone else is too! That for the most part people are as honest with me as I am with them and that simply is not true. Alternatively people who are secret keepers and who are less honest also believe that everyone else is like them and that must truly suck! In some ways dating is like a really long job interview and I was never too good at those either, telling more than was necessary of the truth and failing miserably as well. I think that is why I work for myself. I can’t stand bullshit artists and I simply don’t bullshit well, unless I have too, then I am a fabulous liar, but never in my personal life and I hate the idea that I have to alter my personality to be coy and mysterious when I’m not and eventually I will be found out, I mean eventually when you live with someone everything comes out doesn’t it? And wouldn’t you like to know everything sooner rather than later? I certainly would! Probably not on the first date or even the second or third, but definitely before I crawl into bed with you.

I was talking to another close friend about a surgery I am scheduled to have and before I chose a surgeon I interviewed 5 doctors and still I was afraid I had chosen the wrong one. I said, “What if my bad choice in men bleeds over into the way I choose surgeons?” Being the highly intelligent creature she is, (My friends are so smart), she said, “But you’ve done your homework, you’ve done the research, it’s sad, but true, that most people never do any research about their love interests or the people they date, they simply jump headlong into the relationship without finding out who they are with or what their track record is!” I found that answer to be a little bit of genius and I promised myself I would never get into another relationship with someone without doing my homework! It makes too much sense not to!

How do you know if you are dating him or his representative?

Well, pay attention. I’ll say it again pay attention. Peek behind the mask. Watch how he acts around friends, his mother, his children and if he isn’t willing to let you into that world where you can observe him, don’t let him into your pants! That is the mistake I have always made in the past, only to find out later that he treated his mother like shit and his home looked like an atom bomb went off inside spewing debris everywhere or I’ve seen the alternative where his home was so meticulous that he alphabetized his canned goods, it should have been a warning to me, but that warning came too late because I had already gotten too intimate too soon. For me and probably for most women, (not all), having sex equates to feeling really connected to someone and then the blinders go up because we want more and then it’s too late to nip it in the bud. So find out if you are dating him or his representative before you let the relationship get physical. It’s only good common sense, unless you just want to get laid and then it doesn’t really matter does it?

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Something about this just had me cracking up! Maybe it’s the fact the Matt Damon is in it, but it just tickled me! Enjoy!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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