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Archive for the ‘dating’ Category

candle_flame

These words came to me last night and I am sharing them with you. May they have meaning in your life!

When the lighted path grows dim
hold a candle against the darkness
then speak my name
I will be there for you

When the flame flickers and dies
feel your way against the darkness
then call out my name
I will be there for you

When you can not feel your way
remember the lighted path
and whisper my name
I will be there for you

When you can not remember your way
imagine the path lighted before you
say my name
and I will be there for you
I will be there for you like a foothold
Even in your blackest night
Like a hand to shake you
to awaken you
for even when you slumber
I am here

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Kentucky shurbs . . .  dark spots littering the field, their green matched the green in my shirt. And I wonder, always wonder about the beauty of this land, even in it’s desolation, indeed sometimes because of it. What isn’t there leaves room for the imagination. Plus the land may let you down, but you never take it personal, you know? When crops fail you don’t think the land is trying to hurt you, you just think it is what it is, or you try blaming it on God or the universe or something, but you know that can’t really be true. And just by looking into a field I figured out that man invented God to have someone to blame shit on.

Hmmm . . .

Man invented God so he could have someone to blame shit on. It’s a theory I came up with on the first day of the first week I spent with the man I thought I loved, on a vacation that would end our relationship. But, it being the first day I was still in creative spirits. I was still in a place where the freedom to roam that I desperately sought was bestowed upon me by him through the company he worked for, and while I don’t think I ever really admitted it to him I realized a lot about myself and the world and travel, well motion, while I was stuck in a Hum-V with him, driving and driving for miles. I realized too that he was simply a catalyst for my transformation the same way one needs to strike flint or tinder or whatever the fuck. I mean he was like an ingredient that was a requirement.

Now, none of this can be seen while you are in the midst of it. It can only be observed afterward. After the pain wears off. After you realize it was one tiny stop over on the map of your destiny. A tiny spot that seemed really big and all consuming at the moment and the deal is, it felt like love. I mean true love, deep love, love without limits, but that is fucking bullshit isn’t it? Everything has limits, conditions, restrictions, except knowledge, except learning, except passion and there is love in all of these but it comes from within it is not gotten from someone but it can be bestowed upon them, it is a gift to be given an received and there are limits, self imposed, but limits just the same.

But what I learned about love didn’t/wasn’t realized on the trip necessarily, but some months after during a dormant period and alone time that for me was so painful to speak of it hurts right down the middle like a hole in my gut. He would never understand this because he didn’t have too, has never wanted to, at least not yet. And that makes me happy because I would not wish this feeling upon anyone, well that’s a lie, but I’ll get back to that another time. See the thing is he held pain too, experienced pain too and kind of talked about it, but not really. Like I’m a big man who won’t cry so I’ll just bitch about every fucking thing and wait for someone to see it’s pain or there is pain and maybe they will make it go away. Yup he was that guy, the one who was constantly looking to make the pain go away through others, but who would never actually open up for the healing, cuz when it got too deep he would just move on to the next and the next, a surface dweller. And the reason I know this is because I was that exact same way too and so I was attracted to him like a magnet, a fucking guided missile and I knew nothing good, well nothing, well I knew nothing of what our entanglement would bring . . . Ah co-dependancy, Ah lust, Ah the beauty of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It just goes on and on.

No on can write about it while they are in it and while they are in it, it feels really good and really bad at the same time. And no one can write about it until they have closure (a term by the way that I despise) I’m not sure I’ve ever had it in my life, but as I sit here facing a fire, under the threat of encroaching Autumn, beneath skies more cloud filled than blue I know more than I did before he and I were introduced. I know more about myself. I know more about life. I know more about relationships than I ever did before and I while I was in Kentucky I realized that man invented God so he would have someone to blame shit on?

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PWA_OneSheet_V21.qxd

Dan Millman is a real man, I don’t mean he’s real man like a “real” man’s-man. I mean he is an actual living person who has a website and everything. The movie, “Peaceful Warrior” is the story of his life or a part of his life that, according him actually happened. Well I must confess, I did not research it because I like to think it did happen. I like to think that events depicted in the movie can happen in real life. I have always been a dreamer. I have always believed that anything can happen, because otherwise life is just too boring. So maybe someone who has the time and inclination can check it out and see if he has combined truth and fiction. In some ways the story reminds me of the Celestine Prophecy only more real and in movie form it’s just easy. I know they turned the Celestine Prophecy into a movie too, but it was really kind of lame, and the Peaceful Warrior is kind of lame too, but I liked it a lot. I have watched it a lot. It is one of those movies I turn re-watch on Showtime or HBO over and over again, just to have something in the background.

Last night I had it on before sleep and I realized the lessons are not new ones. It teaches us to stay in the present. It teaches us detachment, it teaches us many things and I like the way it’s delivered because you don’t have to have a long, serious history of Buddhism or Taoism or whatever ism it teaches in order to see, understand, take in and hopefully learn what could work for you. I awoke this morning feeling refreshed, enlightened and very, very happy after remembering those lessons from The Peaceful Warrior. And today I’m thinking, shit, if watching a cheesy kind of film can fill me with enlightenment, joy, bliss, fervor, insert good feeling work of your choice here, then I am in.

I think I’ll go buy it!

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find a husband

Okay, Okay, now I have seen everything!

The writer says that women should market themselves and give themselves a “brand” like Proctor & Gamble. Holy Hell, what has this dating world come too? And how hard up we gonna get? Note, there is no such book for men. Indeed, I could not bring myself to buy this book, but decided instead to go on to Amazon and read the reviews, which were great by the way, and I got all the info I needed, including a big heads up on how women should lower their standards and keep a guy who is a fixer upper, cuz apparently men are now a commodity like orange juice. I couldn’t stop laughing.

This is the same author whose article I mentioned yesterday who did statistics on why men choose women. Crap ladies I may be on the wrong side of the fence here, but I’m gonna say that human beings both men and women, should never except less than the full package and here’s a big surprise, there are enough of each to go around, so never fear. Also, and I think this is very important . . . it is better to be single than to accept that which leads to unhappiness. If you aren’t feeling happy and energized everytime when your man is around then you might want to look at why. If he doesn’t support you and love you and lend his hand when you need it you may want to ask why.

Just be your beautiful self and you will attract a beautiful someone to share your life with and in the meantime have FUN!

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instant_nice_person

The entire time I was growing up everyone told me that I was “TOO” nice. Since I was nice I didn’t say it aloud, but I thought, “What the Fuck does that mean?” I’m too nice as if it were a bad thing. How can being nice be a bad thing? Now nice is evil too. So I didn’t stop being nice. Now after many years of being nice I can see how it could be detrimental to my health. I doesn’t hurt anyone else, cause they have the benefit of my niceness but it does hurt me, especially if I am nice while assuming because I am nice everyone else will be just like me… NOT!

Nope. I have learned that most people are not nice. Most people, (and when I say most here I mean 80% or so), are looking out for themselves, to see what they can get from you or simply aren’t nice because they are afraid that if they put themselves out there and give it won’t be returned or they will get hurt. The whole issue is based around fear and lack and it is just pissing me off today. Pissing me off beyond measure because I am more the exception then the rule. This doesn’t surprise me it simply angers me. I can see it all so clearly, you know? If everyone were not so afraid of getting hurt or used or taken advantage of or whatever the fuck then surely we would just automatically do nice things for others, since it is part of our fundamental nature. Or maybe it isn’t I honestly have no fucking clue anymore.

What does this have to do with dating dudes, choosing dudes and dudes in general? And how did I come up with this topic? It’s a long story that goes back to a Junior High School Cafeteria and I won’t mention it now, let’s just say that when this article arrived in my email box this morning I was touched that indeed 100 men out of a thousand actually valued women who were nice! Didn’t that just make my day?! Since I have been told and am still being told that I have to be less nice. Well all I can say to that is Ah Ha, and see. At least now I know there are men who want to do more than play hard to get games, who actually value genuine qualities in a woman, and even though they are at the top of the food chain they do exist! I think we can all find delight in that!

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sex11

Okay, okay, okay! Let’s start this out by asking a good question about sex and the urge to have it as an impetus when we are gearing up to date again.

As you may or may not know I have been putting off dating in order to give myself a chance to determine what I like, I’ve been dating myself first, and I have come to a determination of what characteristics I want in a man, what I value the most and also what type of person I would be compatible with. To my mind this could be a tall order to fill, since I’m pretty far off from the traditional “gurl” and can be quirky, odd, free-willed and independent to a fault. Plus I tend to be a loner and have difficulty believing that I could find someone who I would want to see every single morning, bad breath and bed head and all. And I have decided to put myself out there and see who I meet. The venue you ask? Well, what else but the internet for me? I’m basically a recluse in a town where your choices of available men are 2, the Rednecks and the Jocks, well there is some odd bred in between the 2, but they are hard to find, usually married or just plain weird. You do have your geeks, but they are off somewhere at computer conventions, I think.

But I digress. The thing is when you’ve been single for a long time something starts to happen biologically, maybe it’s the biological imperative, I think I’m too old for that. Maybe it’s a monthly hormonal imbalance. Maybe it’s just plain human to want to get your groove on with the opposite sex. Whatever it may be, I’ve been having a lot of it lately, and this gives me cause for concern, since there ain’t no way I’m jumping into bed with some normally un-dateable dude just because I have an itch I need to scratch.

I know there are women out there who are going to think I am not into the feminine movement because of what I’m about to say, but frankly Maude, I don’t give a shit!

The way I see it, no matter what you try to tell me or convince me of, men and women are biologically different, and equipped differently as well. I thought I would point that out in case you hadn’t noticed. It’s this difference in equipment that makes the sex act a completely opposite experience for each partner, duh. Let me splain, you see when women have sex they are taking in the man’s energy, when men have sex they are expending energy. Now, I don’t know about you, but I want any energy I take in to be fully qualified to enter. This goes for the people I surround myself with too, but it is most important when I’m deciding who to couple with. Nuff said!

So even if your hormones are calling, don’t date that dude unless he is well qualified, because you’re the one who has to deal with the repercussions later, and a hot bath won’t get it done.

As a result of all this thinking and reminiscing about errors in judgment I have made in the past I’ve decided to make a list to help you decide if you’re just too horny to date safely.

· You’re a 46 year-old woman who thinks about sex as much as a high school boy

· Your mind begins to wander whenever you see something long and cylindrical

· You’ve cycled through 12 sets of C batteries and 9 sets of doubles AA’s and you and the guy at the porn store are on a first name basis

· Formerly un-dateable dudes seem oddly alluring?

· You believe you could make millions by developing a perfume named, “Odoor-D- Sex”

· Paying for sex makes logical sense

· You actually know “why the caged bird sings”

· You have developed a deep empathy with cats-in-heat

· You would give your eye teeth to catch a ride on the back of a motorcycle

· You and your stationary bike have developed a personal relationship

· You haven’t had a “headache” for years

· You keep checking your calendar to see when your next Brazilian is, the last one was so erotic

· The cashier at the grocery store keeps asking you why you buy so many cucumbers

· Chocolate has lost it’s appeal

· You have amassed a large collection of Thongs, but don’t remember buying them

· Anything that vibrates is gold

· People keep asking you why you are so jittery

· You buy men’s cologne to spray on and then keep smelling yourself

· You go to home stores and strike up conversations with random male employees

· Tight jeans feel good

Word to the wise or soon to be wiser, if you can answer yes to 5 or more of these statements you may want to reconsider dating until the urge passes, and it will pass, especially if you start cruising some photos on one or more of the dating sites, this is enough to make a sane woman stone cold sober. This should be a very interesting experience for me . . .

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Pamper Yourself ~

What have you done for you lately?

I was sitting at my good friend’s hair salon yesterday, for hair day, and being the “watcher” that I am I was noticing how much all of the patrons were enjoying the services they were receiving, be it a color, cut or shampoo and then it dawned on me that this appointment, usually scheduled every 4 to 6 weeks, might be the only me time they got. Hmmm? It was probably a little slice in the time slot of their weekly schedules that they had all to themselves, away from responsibilities of home and family, work and stress and I wondered if they even noticed how much they were loving it? We all need me time, alone time, time to be pampered and looked after. And sometimes simply adding something like a monthly massage or pedicure or manicure can be the key to helping us enjoy life a whole lot more. We often do it and aren’t aware of it, or we don’t do it and feel like something is missing from our lives.

I’m the self indulgent type, so I usually treat myself to little gifts, massages, waxing, (doesn’t seem like a treat), facials, pedicures and once for 6 months in a row I had flowers delivered to my door, (monthly). I even wrote myself a note telling myself how marvelous and incredible I was. In essence I sent myself love during a time when I was feeling slightly unloved. We can fulfill our own needs and often the best way to achieve this is by identifying them. Are you feeling like you never get touched? Schedule a massage! Come on, you know you can afford it if you save up weekly, it will give you something to look forward to! Are you feeling like you can never be alone add something stupid like an hour walk for yourself, you don’t even have to take the dog, just tell everyone that’s what you are going to do and then do it, people around you can adjust to your needs as long as you communicate it them properly. Are you feeling like you need a change? Go to a hair salon and do it, get a haircut, and color, and guys can do this too and they can get massages, pedicures and take walks. The best place for me to walk is by the water. Most states have a register of hiking trails, albeit they can be difficult to find, but then it becomes and adventure. Walking by large lakes, rivers and of course the ocean are all places I can lose myself. Pampering yourself doesn’t have to be about money indulgence it can just be about finding something to do that is outside of your normal routine, something that you have always wanted to do and that you never seem to find the time for. If it feels like work you aren’t pampering yourself, if it feels like fun, if it feels like something you can lose yourself in especially if you forget about time when you are doing it you know you’ve found the one thing you’ve been longing for, that one thing to complete you and when you do it you improve your relationship with yourself. You complete you! Contrary to popular opinion, self indulgence when done in the light of self care is a good thing and we all, everyone of us is in need of it, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Figure out what you need, what is missing and then fill the void. You’ll feel a lot better and you will have more to give back to the world!

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