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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

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Dan Millman is a real man, I don’t mean he’s real man like a “real” man’s-man. I mean he is an actual living person who has a website and everything. The movie, “Peaceful Warrior” is the story of his life or a part of his life that, according him actually happened. Well I must confess, I did not research it because I like to think it did happen. I like to think that events depicted in the movie can happen in real life. I have always been a dreamer. I have always believed that anything can happen, because otherwise life is just too boring. So maybe someone who has the time and inclination can check it out and see if he has combined truth and fiction. In some ways the story reminds me of the Celestine Prophecy only more real and in movie form it’s just easy. I know they turned the Celestine Prophecy into a movie too, but it was really kind of lame, and the Peaceful Warrior is kind of lame too, but I liked it a lot. I have watched it a lot. It is one of those movies I turn re-watch on Showtime or HBO over and over again, just to have something in the background.

Last night I had it on before sleep and I realized the lessons are not new ones. It teaches us to stay in the present. It teaches us detachment, it teaches us many things and I like the way it’s delivered because you don’t have to have a long, serious history of Buddhism or Taoism or whatever ism it teaches in order to see, understand, take in and hopefully learn what could work for you. I awoke this morning feeling refreshed, enlightened and very, very happy after remembering those lessons from The Peaceful Warrior. And today I’m thinking, shit, if watching a cheesy kind of film can fill me with enlightenment, joy, bliss, fervor, insert good feeling work of your choice here, then I am in.

I think I’ll go buy it!

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find a husband

Okay, Okay, now I have seen everything!

The writer says that women should market themselves and give themselves a “brand” like Proctor & Gamble. Holy Hell, what has this dating world come too? And how hard up we gonna get? Note, there is no such book for men. Indeed, I could not bring myself to buy this book, but decided instead to go on to Amazon and read the reviews, which were great by the way, and I got all the info I needed, including a big heads up on how women should lower their standards and keep a guy who is a fixer upper, cuz apparently men are now a commodity like orange juice. I couldn’t stop laughing.

This is the same author whose article I mentioned yesterday who did statistics on why men choose women. Crap ladies I may be on the wrong side of the fence here, but I’m gonna say that human beings both men and women, should never except less than the full package and here’s a big surprise, there are enough of each to go around, so never fear. Also, and I think this is very important . . . it is better to be single than to accept that which leads to unhappiness. If you aren’t feeling happy and energized everytime when your man is around then you might want to look at why. If he doesn’t support you and love you and lend his hand when you need it you may want to ask why.

Just be your beautiful self and you will attract a beautiful someone to share your life with and in the meantime have FUN!

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The entire time I was growing up everyone told me that I was “TOO” nice. Since I was nice I didn’t say it aloud, but I thought, “What the Fuck does that mean?” I’m too nice as if it were a bad thing. How can being nice be a bad thing? Now nice is evil too. So I didn’t stop being nice. Now after many years of being nice I can see how it could be detrimental to my health. I doesn’t hurt anyone else, cause they have the benefit of my niceness but it does hurt me, especially if I am nice while assuming because I am nice everyone else will be just like me… NOT!

Nope. I have learned that most people are not nice. Most people, (and when I say most here I mean 80% or so), are looking out for themselves, to see what they can get from you or simply aren’t nice because they are afraid that if they put themselves out there and give it won’t be returned or they will get hurt. The whole issue is based around fear and lack and it is just pissing me off today. Pissing me off beyond measure because I am more the exception then the rule. This doesn’t surprise me it simply angers me. I can see it all so clearly, you know? If everyone were not so afraid of getting hurt or used or taken advantage of or whatever the fuck then surely we would just automatically do nice things for others, since it is part of our fundamental nature. Or maybe it isn’t I honestly have no fucking clue anymore.

What does this have to do with dating dudes, choosing dudes and dudes in general? And how did I come up with this topic? It’s a long story that goes back to a Junior High School Cafeteria and I won’t mention it now, let’s just say that when this article arrived in my email box this morning I was touched that indeed 100 men out of a thousand actually valued women who were nice! Didn’t that just make my day?! Since I have been told and am still being told that I have to be less nice. Well all I can say to that is Ah Ha, and see. At least now I know there are men who want to do more than play hard to get games, who actually value genuine qualities in a woman, and even though they are at the top of the food chain they do exist! I think we can all find delight in that!

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It was hard to choose just 11,  but anymore would have been hard on the eyes! They are in no particular order and could be offensive to the un-twisted mind, bare with me!  This is humor week wrap up I hope you were amused. I had a lot of fun creating it. Next week I will update you on the flood with photos and all! I bet you can’t wait!

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The Infamous Camel Toe and the Many Names for it! Just cracked me up!

 

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The Way Some of Us Alleviate Stress!

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When she sent it she said she remembered me taking this guy home one night! I have no recollection of the incident!

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Ha! Ha! I am not sure why I think this is funny, I just do!

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It’s all in the look on her face!

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We have this inside joke about David Hasselhoff and his posing with Shar-pei puppies put us over the edge.

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Fucking Hilarious!

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Do you see what I mean, it’s demented and still I laughed when I got it!

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Was told to send this to my X! Very Tempting!

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I didn’t see her shit, but I could image it!

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Saved the best for last! Aren’t my friends wonderful!

 

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This is one of the funniest videos yet! It’s great because he goes thru all the years of music and then the popular dance associated with it. Plus he’s really cute too. I like to watch this if I am feeling a little funky. It’s long but worth it and it will definitely make you smile at least once! Enjoy!

Vodpod videos no longer available. from youtube.com posted with vodpod

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Yup, today’s my birthday, but that doesn’t mean humor week will be coming to a screeching halt, it just means I had to mention it. It’s kind of funny too because I am giving myself a very expensive gift. I am not sure how it happened and I really didn’t plan it this way but coincidentally today is the day a bunch of men will be jack-hammering a hole in my basement floor to let the water out. It is the first day since March 8th that I won’t have to shop vac, at least I don’t think I will and I am so relieved. So Happy Birthday to me!

And now Today’s funny little piece, it’s an Employee Evaluation I found. I think it must have been passed around at my place of work years ago. Feel free to use it to evaluate others!!

 

Employee Evaluation Form

 

Name: ___________________________                   Date: _____________________

 

 

Knowledge:

  • The Son of a bitch really knows his shit.
  • Knows just enough to be dangerous.
  • Only half a brain and is dangerous.
  • Fucking brain damaged. His Coffee cup has a higher IQ.

Accuracy:

  • Does Excellent work if not preoccupied with pussy.
  • Pretty good only occasionally blows it out his ass.
  • Has to take off his shoes to count higher than 10.
  • Couldn’t count his balls and get the same number twice.

Attitude:

  • Extremely cooperative – if you kiss his ass frequently.
  • Brown noser in good standing.
  • Often pisses off co-workers – thinks he owns the place.
  • Doesn’t give a shit – never did – never will.

Reliability:

  • Really a dependable little cock-sucker.
  • Works so hard that he must take an extra day off each week.
  • Can rely on him to be the first one out the door.
  • Totally fucking worthless.

Appearance:

  • Extremely neat. Even combs his pubic hair.
  • Looks great on his days off.
  • Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.
  • Dirty, Filthy, Smelly, Son-of-a-bitch.

Performance:

  • Goes like a motha-fucka if there is money in it for him.
  • Does all kinds of good shit at evaluation time.
  • Works well after an enema.
  • Couldn’t do less if he were in a coma.

Leadership:

  • Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.
  • Macho attitude. Commands total disgust.
  • Dog fasted 3 days last time he brought home pork chops.
  • Mother Teresa told him to get fucked.

 

Employee must read and sign acknowledgment below:

 

I understand that I have been counseled and understand my rights under the privacy act of 1974. I further acknowledge that I am as fucked up as a football bat and I will make some attempt to correct my deficiencies.

 

 

Employee Signature                                                                                        Date

 

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Some Easter Humor

I don’t celebrate Easter much, in fact I didn’t even realize that Easter was this Sunday until my daughter told me. It’s just not my thang if you know what I mean, but I received the following Easter Greeting in my email this morning and that got me on a kick of finding humorous Easter greetings. I hope I don’t offend and I can’t take credit for the first one, but it will indicate how warped my friends and I can get. Mostly it’s just fun!

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If you celebrate Easter I hope you have a Happy one and that you eat a lot of chocolate!

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