Yes folks it’s true! You never have to exercise or eat right or put any effort into dieting because there is a cure for overweight that has been over looked since the 1950’s. You don’t have to have your stomach removed, stapled or banded. Why worry about puking up tablespoon size meals when they can be digested for you when you choose Sanitized Tape Worms! You can do away with messy meal replacement shakes, costly meal delivery plans and you will never have to measure again, and you can eat carbs all you want! Oh no, it’s so simple you will wonder why you have never thought of it before and you will kick yourself for not having chosen Sanitized Tape Worms sooner. And all you need is a single dose! We are so sure you will drop pounds like a marathon runner when you use Sanitized Tape Worms that we are offering a double your money back guarantee, minus the cost of shipping of course. Just use Sanitized Tape Worms for 30 days, if you are not satisfied for any reason you can return the worms, no questions asked, simply send them back in a hermetically sealed container and we will issue a refund forthwith. You won’t get that kind of guarantee when they take out your stomach! Please email us for instructions on live tape worm removal.
You know that friend of yours who can eat whatever they want whenever they want and still never gains an ounce? I bet they have a secret they haven’t told you about and it’s called, Sanitized Tape Worms! All of our packages are mailed discreetly and delivered to your door so you never have to worry about those pesky neighbors finding out your secret to slender, in fact if you order within the next 24 hours we will send you an extra dose to share with a friend and you will both be laughing all the way to the candy store. So what are you waiting for? Why be fat when you don’t have to be? You can live your life and never have to worry about every morsel you put in your mouth again and you can drink as much as you want too! Sanitized Tape Worms are the weight loss miracle for you! So what are you waiting for? Order Now!
And you can join the ranks of these folks!
If you’re thinking that Sanitized Tape Worms are an oxymoron you are correct, but do you really care? Wouldn’t you do anything and we mean anything to have the figure of a Hollywood model? It’s a little known secret, but many Hollywood celebrities combine Sanitized Tape Worms, anorexia, bulimia and diuretics to get the bodies you see, and with Sanitized Tape Worms it’s so easy, it’s a thoughtless process! Imagine never having to think about your weight again!
We use a special sanitizing regime with each and every worm. First we use collection tweezers brushed with rubbing alcohol to extract the tape worms from the feces, you can easily see them with a magnifying glass,. We pick only the largest, most well developed specimens, then we wash each worm by hand in very hot water, using an anti-bacterial soap, (rubber gloves and masks are worn through-out the procedure). Then each worm is hand packed into a single capsule that you will ingest upon receipt. Don’t worry, although tape worms may seem like they are dead, they never die and will revive themselves once they are in your digestive tract. Also never open the capsule and try to get 2 for one. It is a well known fact that tape worms can be cut in half and still be single organisms, but this isn’t a wise investment or a way to save money. Sine each worm is chosen for it’s viability and will be weakened by cutting. Once in your digestive tract the the tape worm will multiply on it’s own, so no worries!
Side effects are very minimal and may include but are not limited to: abdominal discomfort and pain, cramp, colic, flatulence, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, restlessness, vertigo, headache, tiredness, malabsorption, anorexia, muscular pain, vitamin deficiency, megaloblastic anemia, weight loss (or gain), intestinal blockage, jejunal perforation, appendicitis, pancreatitis, pseudo-incontinence, pruritis ani, rectal-flutters, spontaneous voiding of segments from the anus, depression and psychosis. Note: rectal-flutters and spontaneous voiding of segments from the anus were observed in only 1 in 10 test subjects. Our products are never tested on animals, cuz that’s where we get em!
So it looks like people have been trying crazy, stupid, silly cures for weight loss for a long, long time. When I saw this ad I simply had to write some copy and share it will you. Crazy right? Is it any crazier than having your stomach removed or stapled or banded? Certainly some of the side effects are the same, but since by-pass surgery is approved by the AMA it’s just hunky dory! Cuz if a Doctor says it’s okay it must be. Well here’s what doctors were saying back then:
I guess that wasn’t true either!
Tape worms, lard and cigarettes! The diet trifecta.
By the way, Sanitized Tape Worms would be a great name for a band.
Yeah it’s better than Atkins and Pritkins combined! I forgot coffee though! Sanitized Tape Worms would be a good name for a band, it would be shortened to STW, but the logo would be great!
Indeed, it’s a good way to lose weight. There are some other tricks, like for instance, leaving your meat ready for the BBQ for two hours under the sun, and then cook it. Or funny diseases like gastro-enteritis. But these have only temporary effects.
Oh that’s true I hadn’t thought of that, why pay for something when you can get it for free? 🙂 And the effect doesn’t have to be temporary because you can just keep doing it! Thanks for adding that info!
Wow.
The advertisement says “sanitized tape worms” AND ‘No Ill Effects” at the same time. I have an easier time believing doctors advertising Camel cigarettes. I KNOW doctors who smoke. I don’t know ANYONE with a tapeworm and no ill effects.
Thankfully, I don’t know of anyone with a tapeworm period, but still…ICK!!!
Yeah gross right! Who knows what they were thinking? And still is it any crazier than some of the weight loss ads today?
Oh boy, you had me cracking up with this post! “Please email us for instructions on live tape worm removal.”- GAG! Hahahaha. I cannot even IMAGINE. I believe I did a science report on tapeworms when I was about 11 yrs. old. I’ll never forget looking at the pics and then attempting to fit my drawing of a 20 ft tapeworm on a piece of paper. Ick.
Hi 2LD, I’m so glad you thought this was funny. I thought it was really funny, but then again I wrote it. Most people just don’t get my humor, happy that you do! 🙂 Tapeworms are horrid creatures, parasites, Ick is right!
I gotta get me some of that!
I thought the same thing after I saw the ad! 😉
“Note: rectal-flutters and spontaneous voiding of segments from the anus were observed in only 1 in 10 test subjects”..
..AHHHHHHHHHHHH….I could just see you reading this outloud with this huge smile and maniacal look on your face…hahaha 😉
Oh Romi, you know me so well that is exactly what I did! 🙂
I’m such an idiot for not eating a tapeworm earlier. Hook me up with a few of those bad boys and then ship me some lard!
Hi Talea! Don’t feel stupid, you just didn’t know! Who would? But take heart the package is on it’s way!
That’s too funny!!
I’m glad you laughed!
Hand washed tape worms. Brilliant.
I think it adds that “human” touch.